


I Think I'm Coming Alive with You

by seaunicorn



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Roommates, Slow Burn, Unruly Hearts Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2020-04-12 03:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 32,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19123948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaunicorn/pseuds/seaunicorn
Summary: Emma's new college roommate Alyssa is the most beautiful girl she's ever seen.  It was going to be a long year.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for AU day of Unruly Hearts Week! (It's still technically Thursday here so I am not late I promise.) This fandom needs more typical AUs that you get in every fandom so please enjoy this ridiculously fluffy college roommates AU.
> 
> CW: Brief homophobic comments because it's Mrs. Greene, also descriptions of a panic attack.

The first thing Emma unpacked in her new dorm room was her pride flag.

She had spent far too long in Indiana, in the closet, then out and bullied and ashamed of who she was.  Now that she had finally escaped to the liberal heart of America, San Francisco-- well, technically Berkeley, but it was close enough-- she didn’t have to hide who she was anymore.

Emma climbed onto the bed on the left and fastened some command hooks to the wall, from which she proudly dangled her rainbow flag like a banner over the bed that she had now claimed as her own.

The sound of a thud caused Emma turn around.  Her grandmother had walked inside and dropped a few boxes on the ground.  “Do you want to maybe unpack before decorating, Em?” she asked with a laugh.

“Sorry gran!”  Emma jumped off the bed and started opening boxes.  “I’m done for now, I swear.” She started pulling things out and dumping them on the bed with no rhyme or reason-- clothes, books, school supplies, until her grandmother waved a hand to catch her attention.

“Hey, come here, honey,” she said, and pulled Emma by the arm into a bone crushing hug.

After a moment, still trapped in her grandmother’s embrace, Emma cleared her throat.  “What happened to unpacking?” she asked, voice muffled against her grandma’s chest.

“Shh,” she muttered.  “You’re moving out of my house and going away to college.  Just give me a minute.”

Emma patted her on the back.  “You can come visit a lot.”

Her grandma scoffed.  “Honey, I’m too old for that shit.  This trip is probably enough for me for the year.  You’d better call me every day, though.”

“I’ll try, but I might be busy with classes and homework--”

“Every day!”

“Okay, okay!” Emma laughed.  “Every day.”

Emma’s grandma gave her one last squeeze before letting go, then she kneeled down and opened the box she had just brought inside, pulling out sheets and blankets.  Emma went to clear off all the stuff she had just thrown on her bed.

“You didn’t want to wait for your new roommate to talk about who gets which bed?”

“No.”  Emma grabbed the fitted sheet and pulled it over the mattress of her dorm bed.  “First person to arrive gets dibs. That’s, like, common law.”

“Good thing you don’t want to be a lawyer,” her grandma muttered under her breath.

Emma rolled her eyes.  “What’s that, gran?”

“Nothing!” she said quickly.  “What’s your roommate’s name again?”

Emma scrunched her nose, thinking back to that email she received from the school a few weeks ago.  “Alyssa, I think. I never talked to her, they just sent me her name.”

“Are you excited to meet her?”

“I guess,” Emma shrugged.  “I don’t know anybody here yet so she’ll be the first.”

Emma and her grandmother finished making the bed and then threw the pillows on top of the fluffy red comforter.  Step one, complete.

“What next?”

“Closet?” Emma suggested.  She overturned her duffel bag full of clothes on her bed, while her grandma searched through boxes for hangers.  Emma played music on her phone, sat on her bed, and put shirts on their hangers, then passed them off to her grandmother to hang in the closet.  They were so preoccupied with their work that they hardly noticed when two people wandered into the room.

A woman in her forties walked in first, red hair, short but intimidating, holding only her purse.  She was closely followed by, presumably Emma’s roommate, hidden behind a stack of boxes in her arms in addition to both a duffel bag and a backpack slung over her shoulders.  When the woman in front came to an abrupt halt in the center of the room, the girl bumped into her, then quickly took a step back.

“Alyssa, careful!”

As Alyssa readjusted her grip, the boxes balanced in her arms teetered, and the one on top began to fall to the ground.

Emma’s reflexes were never all that great, but as she saw this happening, she leapt off the bed just in time to catch the box before it hit the floor.  “Whoa, need some help there?” she asked.

When the box fell, the face of her new roommate came into view, and Emma found herself face to face with probably the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

“Nice catch!” Alyssa said, grinning, and small dimples appeared on her cheeks.  Her dark hair was pulled out of her face into a thick, curly ponytail behind her head and her dark brown eyes were bright and excited.

Emma blushed.  “Uhh, thanks.”

Alyssa set the two boxes she still carried down onto the floor.  “You must be Emma, my roommate. I’m Alyssa.”

“Hi,” Emma said, a little too quickly.  “Er-- I’m Emma. Wait, you already said that.  I mean, um… hi.”

Alyssa took the box from Emma’s arms and set it down on the ground as well, and Emma tried not to blush even harder when their fingers brushed for the briefest of moments.

“This is my mom,” Alyssa said, gesturing to the woman in front of her.

Emma blinked and composed herself just in time to turn to Alyssa’s mother and held out a hand for a shake.  “It’s nice to meet you, um…?”

“Mrs. Greene.”

Mrs. Greene did not accept Emma’s handshake, but instead gave her a forced smile and a small nod.  Emma felt small as the woman looked her up and down with a raised eyebrow. Her eyes then darted up over Emma’s shoulder to the pride flag on the wall.  Emma, with her pride flag and her short, messy hair and thick glasses and oversized plaid flannel. She didn’t exactly scream heterosexual. Mrs. Greene’s lips quirked into a small sneer.

Emma’s face went ghostly white.

“Uh, mom?”  Alyssa interrupted.  Mrs. Greene blinked and turned to her daughter.  “Should we go get the rest of my stuff?”

“Sure, dear.”

Alyssa marched out of the room, dragging her mother along close behind her.

As soon as they were gone, Emma felt a hand on her shoulder.  “You okay, hon?” her grandma asked.

Emma let out a shaky breath.  “I thought I was done with all that,” she sighed.  “That’s why I came here.” Emma felt her eyes stinging but blinked away the tears.

Her grandmother sighed behind her.  “I know you want to think that everything’s gonna be perfect here, but it’s not like that,” she said.  “As much as this place is better than home in a lot of ways, there are going to be people who choose hate wherever you go.  I just want you to be prepared for that.”

Emma nodded, solemn.  “I know.” She just didn’t think it would happen so soon and in her own room, her safe place.  Did her new roommate have the same views as her mother, and would Emma survive a whole year of that?

As if on cue, Alyssa walked through the door, this time without her mother.

“Hey,” she said, looking to Emma.  She fidgeted awkwardly with her hands.  “I’m sorry about my mother. She’s… a lot.”

Emma blinked.  “Um, thanks.”

Alyssa lingered for a moment, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  “I’m not my mom, just so you know,” she said finally. “And I’m really excited to be your roommate.  I just-- I’m sorry things had to start like that.”

With those words, Emma felt herself relax.  Maybe things wouldn’t be as bad as she thought.  “Okay, cool,” she muttered, letting herself smile.  “Me too.”

Alyssa gave her a small smile, then looked over her shoulder and pulled a set of car keys out of her pocket.  “I told her I forgot the keys to the rental car,” she explained. “I’ll, um, try to keep her at bay.”

And with that, she disappeared out the door again.

Emma turned around to find her grandmother sitting on her bed.  “I like her,” she said with a small smile. Then she looked at Emma, and gave her a playful glare.  “And I think you do too.”

“Shut up-- I don’t-- she’s nice!”  Emma’s cheeks burned, but she ignored the rest of her grandma’s teasing remarks and went back to putting her clothes away.

Alyssa and her mother returned eventually with the rest of her things, and as promised, Alyssa kept her mother in check, changing the subject whenever she started to make an ignorant remark.  Still, even her little comments here and there were emotionally draining and Emma was slowly losing her composure.

Emma finished unpacking before her roommate.  As soon as the last books were on her shelf and her guitar was on its stand, she gave her grandma a high five.

“How bout we give them the room for a bit and grab some dinner, kiddo?”

As she asked, Emma’s stomach growled.  “Yes please.” She heard Alyssa giggle from across the room.  “I guess I’ll see you later, roomie,” Emma said with a salute.

Alyssa waved goodbye and Emma took off with her grandma.  They walked down the hall, weaving through other freshmen moving in, toting in large boxes and furniture until they finally made it outside.

“Did you want to check out the campus dining?” Emma asked.

“Honey, you’re gonna get sick of that food in a week.  We’re going off campus. I’ll even drive.” She snatched the car keys from Emma’s pocket and marched toward the parking lot.

They spent a couple hours out on the town, exploring.  They found a Chinese restaurant for dinner and a crepes place for dessert.  Emma couldn’t believe how much better the food tasted here than it did in Indiana.

After that, they checked out a nearby street with lots of cool little shops.  Emma bought a sweatshirt for her grandma, a white pullover that said San Francisco on it.  They even stopped by the Amoeba Music store in Berkeley where her grandmother bought her a few guitar picks with the logo on them.

They wandered back to campus a few hours later, bellies full and leftovers in tow.  As they strolled down the hall, Emma stopped in her tracks when she heard voices coming from the open door of her room.

“...really don’t think that’s necessary, mom.”  She recognized Alyssa’s voice.

“I just don’t feel comfortable with you living with this girl for a year.”  Emma’s heart sank at Mrs. Greene’s words. They were talking about her.

“You don’t know anything about her.”

“Neither do you!  I just don’t think she would be a good influence on you, and college is such a pivotal time in your life.  You should surround yourself with people who would be good for you.”

“I’m not asking to switch rooms.”

“You don’t have to, sweetie.  I’ll call tomorrow and ask for you.”

“Mom!”  She heard Alyssa sigh.  “Look, I’m probably going to be so busy with classes and studying in the library that I won’t even remember I have a roommate.”

There was a pause.  “We’ll see how it goes.  But the moment that girl gives you trouble, you call me, okay?”

“Yes mom.”

“Good.  I have to get to the airport now, but I love you so much Alyssa.”

“Love you too, mom.”

“Bye sweetie.”

Emma was still standing frozen at what she just overheard, she didn’t even have time to back down the hall and pretend like she hadn’t just been eavesdropping.  As Mrs. Greene left the room, she almost ran straight into Emma.

She startled a bit, then straightened up and gave a curt nod.  “Emma. And I don’t think I caught your name,” she added, looking to Emma’s grandmother.

“You can just call me Mrs. Nolan,” she replied.

Alyssa then appeared in the doorway, a concerned look on her face.  She waited, and they all watched as Mrs.Greene marched down the hall and around the corner.

“How much of that did you hear?” Alyssa asked timidly.

“Enough,” Emma said with a shrug, then walked past Alyssa into their room.

“I’m so sorry,” Alyssa said.  She sounded very genuine. “She’s just very… set in her ways.  But she’s flying out tonight and you won’t have to see her until, like, June when we move out.”

Alyssa and her mother had finished setting up while they were gone.  Emma looked over Alyssa’s side of the room, very neat and organized, with labeled folders and framed photos and a specific, matching color scheme.  It was a stark contrast to Emma’s bright colors and cluttered desk and various posters.

“Well, it looks like you kids are all settled in,” Emma’s grandmother chimed in, following them into the room.  “I think I’ll get over to my hotel and leave you to it, but I’ll see you for breakfast tomorrow before I fly out.”  She wrapped Emma up in a warm hug. “I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you too, gran.”

As she started to walk out the room, Alyssa held out a hand.  “It was really great to meet you, Mrs. Nolan.”

“Please dear, call me Betsy,” she replied, and ignored Alyssa’s handshake, instead giving her a quick hug as well.

Emma watched her grandma walk out the door, closing it behind her, leaving the two roommates alone together for the first time.

“So where--”

“What--”

They started talking at the same time.

“Sorry!” Emma cleared her throat awkwardly.  “You go first.”

“Um, I guess, what are you studying?” Alyssa asked.

“Oh, music.”

“Really?”  Alyssa’s face lit up.

“Well I’m not a great singer but I play guitar and futz around on piano sometimes.”  Emma gestured to her guitar propped up in the corner. “It’s fun, so I thought it’d be fun to study it and make a career as like, a songwriter or something.  Who knows?”

“That’s so cool!”  Alyssa walked over to the guitar and reached out, then hesitated.  “May I?”

Emma swallowed.  She didn’t usually let people touch her guitar, but Alyssa looked genuinely excited and curious.  She nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Alyssa grabbed the guitar delicately by the neck and inspected it; she looked at the various stickers Emma had adorned it with and lightly strummed a few of the strings before setting it back down.  Emma held her breath the whole time.

“What about you?” Emma asked.

“What  _ about  _ me?” Alyssa said absently, still distracted by the guitar.  “Oh, I’m pre-law.”

Emma whistled.  “That sounds intense.”

“Oh it is,” Alyssa huffed and flopped down on her bed, disturbing the perfectly pressed sheets.  She seemed frustrated, but Emma didn’t want to press any further; they had only just met, after all.  However, after a moment, Alyssa continued. “My mother just… always wants what’s best for me. So it was either law school or med school, and the sight of blood makes me sick so law school it is.”  She sighed, then rolled over facing Emma again. “Sorry, enough about me and my mom. Your grandma seems nice.”

Emma nodded.  She sat down at her desk chair, trying to get comfortable in this space that was her new home for the next nine months or so.  “Yeah, she’s the best.” Emma could hear the underlying question that Alyssa didn’t want to ask. It was the same question everyone had when they found out she lived with her grandmother.

She contemplated whether or not to tell her new roommate.  Alyssa seemed nice enough, and she had also just shared something sort of personal.  And it was college, she was trying to make friends and this is what friends did, right?  Told each other things? Emma didn’t have much of a point for comparison. She took a deep breath.  “After my parents kicked me out a couple years ago, she-- uh-- she took me in. So we’re pretty close.”

Alyssa sat up on her bed, legs dangling over the edge.  She was wearing shorts and Emma watched for a moment as her toned calves swung back and forth over the floor.  She must work out or something with legs like that. Emma felt her cheeks beginning to flush and averted her gaze to see the frown on Alyssa’s face.  “Emma, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

Emma shook her head.  “No, it’s fine, I was so much happier with gran than I ever was with my parents.  She’s probably the only person in the whole state of Indiana that doesn’t care about the whole gay thing.”

Alyssa still had a look of concern, but her face lit up a bit.  “You’re from Indiana? Me too!”

“That explains your mother,” Emma mused, eliciting a chuckle from Alyssa.  Alyssa seemed so cool about everything, a stark contrast from her intimidating mother.  Needless to say, Emma was curious. “Why don’t you— I mean... how come you’re not like her?”

Alyssa looked down at her feet and pursed her lips, as though she was thinking hard about what to say.  She shrugged eventually. “She tried to raise me like her. The perfect church girl who goes to Bible camp and does cheerleading and wins homecoming queen and hates everything that dares to differ from the norm.  And I tried to do all that and make her happy, for a while. But one day I realized that it just wasn’t me.” She paused, but Emma could tell she wasn’t finished. “That’s why I was so excited to go away for college.  Now I’m free to be… whoever I want to be without existing under the scrutinizing gaze of my mother.”

Emma wasn’t sure if she was reading too much into it or if she was just grasping at straws for some thread of hope that she had any sort of chance with this girl, but there was something about what Alyssa said that felt… familiar.   _ One day I realized that just wasn’t me. _  Emma thought over her words.   _ I’m free to be whoever I want to be _ … It almost sounded as if she could be-- no.  Emma shook the thought from her head.

This was her new roommate, and if Emma projected her feelings onto every pretty girl she met, she would never make any friends.  “So who do you want to be?” Emma asked.

Alyssa hesitated again, a meaningful look in her dark brown eyes that seemed to be searching for an answer within Emma’s.  Eventually she cleared her throat and looked away. “I guess we’ll find out.”

Emma could feel her cheeks turning red.  There was no way-- she wasn’t--  _ whatever _ , she couldn’t think too much about this.  It was already distracting enough having a roommate as pretty as Alyssa.

Instead of continuing the conversation, Emma held up the plastic bag of leftovers she still had clutched in her hands.  “Do you like wontons or broccoli beef? We’ve got a ton of leftovers.”

Alyssa looked back up at her, a dazzling smile appearing as she giggled.  “Sure.”

Emma opened the box of food and handed it over, trying so hard not to think about Alyssa’s cute dimples or beautiful eyes or amazing hair and-- god, it was going to be a long year.

  
  
  


Alyssa was still trying to get used to this whole  _ college _ thing.  Her main regret was letting her mother pick her classes when they had to sign up over the summer, because the woman had signed her up for 8AM lectures every single weekday.   _ It’ll be easy _ , she had said,  _ just like high school _ , and Alyssa stupidly believed her.

It was only the first week of classes and Alyssa had no idea how she was going to survive an entire semester with this schedule.

Thankfully it was Thursday and for the first time, Alyssa didn’t have a class right after her early morning one.  She was going to head back to her room and take a nap, and it would be glorious. She felt her eyes drooping as she trudged down the hall, digging through her backpack for her key card.  She was so tired, she didn’t even hear the soft music coming from the room as she unlocked it and opened the door.

If Alyssa was tired when she opened the door, she was suddenly wide awake when she walked inside and saw her roommate Emma wearing nothing but a towel, dancing around the room as she picked out her clothes for the day.  Her skin glistened and hair was still damp as she was fresh out of the shower.

Alyssa froze in her tracks and her throat went dry.  It was a moment before Emma even realized that she was there, not until there was a thud as the door fell shut behind her.

Emma slowly turned around and for one long, awkward moment, their eyes locked.  Then, Alyssa dropped her backpack and clapped a hand over her eyes, shielding Emma from view.

“I am  _ so  _ sorry!” she said.  “I thought you would be-- uh-- not here, I guess.”

“You were gone all morning the rest of the week, I thought I had time!”

Alyssa could hear her walking around and ruffling of clothing as Emma hastily got dressed.  “It’s Thursday, so I don’t have class until, um…” Alyssa’s mind was still a little foggy from seeing Emma like  _ that _ and she could not for the life of her remember what time her last class was.  “Three? No, four. I think.”

“Maybe we should share our class schedules,” Emma suggested with a soft chuckle.  “Okay, I’m decent.”

Finally, Alyssa lowered her hand.  Emma’s hair was still damp, but she had pulled on jeans and a t-shirt quickly.  Alyssa noticed a tag poking up, just below Emma’s chin. “Uh, I think your shirt’s on backwards.”

Emma looked down and saw the tag.  “Damn it!” She turned around to face away from Alyssa and pulled off her shirt, quickly fixing it, then putting it back on.  

Alyssa’s felt her cheeks heat up as Emma didn’t even hesitate to take her shirt off.  Sure, she turned around and she was wearing a bra. Alyssa had taken her shirt off in front of her friends before, plenty of times back in high school in the locker rooms after cheerleading practice.  She just… didn’t expect it from Emma. She found her eyes were glued to the skin of Emma’s back for the brief moment it was exposed, following the curve of her spine, the occasional freckles that dotted along her light skin.

She didn’t even realize she was staring until Emma turned back around and gave her a funny look.

Alyssa quickly averted her gaze, hoping that her face wasn’t bright red.  She was going to have to get over this crush quick, or at least make sure her brain didn’t short-circuit when she walked in on Emma in some state of undress, because it was bound to happen again at some point.

God, she had been in the closet for so long, but she never had a problem watching girls change in the locker room in high school.  Was it the fact that she was in college and felt more freedom to look? Or was it just  _ Emma _ ?  She shook her head.

Now that Emma’s shirt was on correctly, Alyssa had no reason to be just standing in the middle of the room.  Willing herself to move, she kicked her bag to sit next to her desk and hopped up on her bed. “I’ll send you my class schedule.”

“Um, yeah, sure.”  Emma’s face looked bright red, which was understandable.  Alyssa had just walked in on her changing. She puttered around in awkward silence for a moment and Alyssa tried not to watch her, busting herself with finding her schedule on her phone.  “What were you going to do now that you don’t have class?”

Alyssa’s original plan had been to take a nap, but she was suddenly no longer tired.  “I’m… not sure.”

“Um, I was gonna grab breakfast before my class at eleven.”  Emma didn’t look at her as she spoke, nervously fidgeting. “Did you-- maybe, want to join me?  Unless you already ate this morning.”

It was still new and awkward, having a friend who was basically a stranger that she was living with (and also kind of attracted to), and they hadn’t gotten a chance to hang out much outside of their room, but Alyssa was excited by the prospect of spending time with Emma.  “I’d love to.”

Emma smiled at her, clearly still embarrassed, but slowly getting over it.  “Cool.”

Ten minutes later they each had a plate of food from the campus dining hall and scoped out a place to sit and eat.  Alyssa spotted a nice little table by the window and dragged Emma over.

“So what classes are you taking?” Alyssa asked as she picked at her salad.  She still hadn’t quite grown out of the eating habits her mother had instilled in her.  At least she felt comfortable enough to add extra croutons on top.

“Just the basic general ed stuff,” Emma said.  “Required stuff for math, English, science, et cetera.  I do have a music theory class that’s pretty cool, though.”  She took a bite of her pizza, chewed, and made a face. “Gran said I’d be tired of this food in a week and she was wrong.  It’s been four days and I’m already sick of it.”

“Maybe if you got something other than pizza,” Alyssa laughed.  She could have sworn she’s seen Emma eat pizza at least once a day.  “It’s breakfast! Eat a bagel like a normal person.”

Emma rolled her eyes.  “Now you’re starting to sound like her.  What about you? Fun classes?”

“I had some AP credits to clear out the general ed stuff, so I’ve just got a bunch of major classes.  Politics, philosophy, psychology, the like.” She made a gagging gesture.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you didn’t want to be a lawyer,” Emma said sarcastically.

Alyssa looked down at her plate.  “No, it’ll be a good job and it’s interesting stuff, I guess.  It’s just a little… I don’t know… tedious? I guess the psych class isn’t so bad.”

“Alyssa?”  A voice calling her name got Alyssa’s attention.  She spotted a guy who looked vaguely familiar walking up to her.  It wasn’t until he was closer that it clicked-- he was in her philosophy class.  Jean Pierre, the guy who always tried to play devil’s advocate. Alyssa didn’t quite like him, but she forced a smile on her face.  “Hey! Fancy seeing you here.”

_ Well it is the campus dining hall _ , Alyssa thought.  “Hey, how’s it going?  Emma, this is Jean Pierre.”  She turned to make the introduction.  “He’s in my philosophy class. This is my roommate Emma.”

Jean Pierre hardly looked at Emma but gave her a nod of acknowledgement.  Emma at least tried a little harder. “Good to meet you, Jean Pierre. Hey, can I call you JP?” she joked.

Alyssa chuckled, but Jean Pierre turned to her with a glare.  “No,” he said.

She and Emma exchanged a slightly amused glance as he turned his attention back to Alyssa.  “So there’s a party at the Sigma house tomorrow night, you should totally stop by.”

Alyssa shrugged.  “I don’t know, first week and all I’m still trying to keep myself afloat.”

He nodded.  “I get it, super stressful, but a party’s your chance to de-stress.  Have a drink, get laid, whatever floats your boat.”

Alyssa squirmed uncomfortably at his words.  “Maybe? I just don’t want to commit to any--”

“You can bring Emily if that’ll make you feel better.”

Emma raised an eyebrow, incredulous.  “Actually my name is Emma--”

“Come on, Lys, it’s the first party of the year!  You’re in college! You don’t want to miss out on an experience and regret it later.”

At this point, Alyssa just wanted him to leave her alone, so she turned to Emma with a desperate look in her eye and said, “What do you say, Em?  Party tomorrow?”

“Why not?”

“Nice!”  He held up his hand for a high five.  Alyssa pretended not to notice. Jean Pierre pretended to slick back his hair.  “See ya tomorrow.”

Alyssa waved him off as he left, and as soon as he disappeared from sight, she buried her face in her hands and groaned.

“He’s fun company,” Emma said facetiously.

“He’s the worst.”

“Well he seems  _ super _ into you.”

“What?!”  Alyssa lifted her head and glared at Emma.  “He is not! Gross!” She couldn’t quite read the look on Emma’s face.  Maybe jealousy or disapproval? At the very least, annoyance probably. Jean Pierre had a way of being annoying every time he opened his mouth.

“Come on, Lys!” Emma said in a deeper voice than her own, mocking Jean Pierre.

Alyssa laughed.  “Ugh, I can’t believe he called me that.  I’ve talked to him, like, once.” Emma leaned back in her chair and giggled.  Alyssa couldn’t believe how much she loved the sound. She cleared her throat.  “By the way, um, we don’t have to go to the party. I just wanted to get him off my back.”

She hadn’t known Emma very long, but she didn’t exactly seem like the party type.  Secretly, though, Alyssa hoped that Emma wouldn’t take the out. She couldn’t deny that the idea of spending more time with her roommate wasn’t appealing.  She’d love to see what Emma is like out of their room, around other people, at a  _ party _ .  Even if their encounter with Jean Pierre was annoying, she did get to see a new side of Emma that she hadn’t seen before-- this sarcastic, funny side of her.  And Alyssa loved it.

Emma took another bite of her pizza and thought about it while she chewed.  Eventually she shrugged. “I don’t mind. Who knows, it could be fun.”

Alyssa did her best to conceal her excited grin.  “Yeah, could be.”

That’s how Alyssa and Emma found themselves walking up to their first ever college frat party after ten o’clock on Friday night.  Already they could hear the thumping music, the drunken screams, and the shattering of something breaking within the walls of the house.  They exchanged a nervous look.

“We can still turn back,” Alyssa muttered.  “We’re not inside yet.”

“You’re not even slightly curious as to what just broke?” Emma asked, waggling her eyebrows.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little curious…”

“Come on, it’s college.”

Slowly, Alyssa’s lips turned up into a little smile.  She bumped Emma’s shoulder with her own and stepped forward.  “Let’s go.”

They stepped inside and the music was suddenly louder, reverberating through Alyssa’s entire body, her heart thumping in rhythm with the bass.  There was a strobe light somewhere, flashing, making her vision even more distorted in this darkness. They spotted a couple making out in the entryway and quickly rushed past.

They weaved their way into a room with a bigger crowd where people were dancing, chatting, drinking, and more.  This was definitely where most of the party was. They even spotted a broken picture frame propped against the wall on the side of the room as people danced around it and absently stepped on glass.  Wild. Alyssa almost cringed when she noticed that Jean Pierre had spotted her from across the room.

“Shit,” she said.

“What is it?” Emma asked.  She practically had to shout to be heard.

“JP on your six.”

Emma turned around and noticed Jean Pierre wave at Alyssa and then disappear.  “He’s gone, let’s move.”

They headed into the backyard of the house where all the stoners were congregating and cut through to the kitchen, where the drinks were.  “Okay, I guess we’ll… get a drink?”

Emma grabbed a bottle of beer for herself and popped it open.  “What do you like?” she asked Alyssa.

“Um…”  Alyssa looked at all the different types of beer, a couple bottles of wine, various hard liquors and had no idea what to do with herself.  “Well, I’ve never really drank before?” she admitted, a little embarrassed. “I mean, I had the wine at church, but that’s about it.”

“I don’t drink much either,” Emma said.  “No one really liked me in high school so I didn’t get invited to a lot of parties.  I had a beer with gran a couple times but that’s about it. It’s kinda gross but I definitely don’t want to experiment with alcohol at my very first college frat party.”

Alyssa laughed.  “That’s smart.” She pursed her lips and thought for a moment.  “I guess I’ll just have what you’re having.”

Emma grabbed another bottle and popped it open, handing it to Alyssa.  “Please don’t drink anything that I don’t open for you. We are not getting drugged tonight.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

They wandered back into the party, drinks in hand, unsure of what to do with themselves.  Eventually they found an exciting game of beer pong to watch. It was difficult to talk over the sound of the party, so eventually they just gave up and watched the game.  Well, Emma watched the game. She was surprisingly enraptured, cheering and whooping whenever a ball sank into a cup.

Alyssa watched Emma, her glasses slightly askew, her cheeks flushed a little red from the alcohol they were drinking, and her wide-eyed excitement at the game.  She was beautiful.

Alyssa probably should have just told Emma that she was gay the first night they met.  It sort of came up. She  _ almost _ told her, and then chickened out.  She was just so used to hiding in the closet.  She was eighteen years old and hadn’t even come out to anyone before, despite knowing she was gay since freshman year of high school.  It was hard, trying to be herself when she had spent so long being someone else. She was sure Emma would understand, but now it felt like she was keeping a secret and that wasn’t her intention.

Alyssa was jolted out of her thoughts when Emma jumped up raising her hand, shouting, “Me!”

“What?”

“Come on, Alyssa, play beer pong with me!”

Alyssa’s eyes widened.  “Oh, I don’t know if that’s such a good--”

“I’ll be on your team.”

Another woman sauntered up through the crowd, with an undercut and a leather jacket.  And the way she was looking at Emma made Alyssa’s blood boil.

Emma seemed oblivious.

“Really?!”  Emma whooped.  “Let’s do it!”

And a new game of beer pong started.  This one was girls versus guys. Emma and her new friend were playing against two random frat guys.

“I’ve never played beer pong before,” Emma said, a nervous frown appearing on her face as she suddenly realized her inexperience.

The girl offered her a new drink, cracking open a can of beer and handing it to Emma.  Emma accepted. “Don’t worry, I’ll walk you through it,” she said. “I’m Marina, by the way.”

“Emma.”

Alyssa tried to stick close to Emma’s side, not wanting to be left alone, but the crowd around the beer pong table made that nearly impossible.  For the first shot, she watched as  _ Marina _ stood behind Emma, guiding her throw.  Alyssa rolled her eyes. Lame move.

Emma tossed the ball and it sank into a cup.  She jumped up in excitement. “Yes! Alyssa did you see that?”

“It was awesome,” Alyssa said, feigning enthusiasm.  “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get another drink.” Emma waved, but hardly noticed as she disappeared, engrossed in the game.

In the time it took Alyssa to make her way to the kitchen, grab another drink, figure out how to use the bottle opener (thankfully the room was empty), get back to the game and squeeze her way back to her spot at the front, it was almost over.  It was down two cups to one, with Emma’s team winning. And it was Emma’s turn.

Marina wasn’t helping her anymore, but she still lingered close to Emma’s side as she eyeballed the cup and tossed the ball.  It sank easily into the last cup on the table and the crowd went wild. Emma hugged her teammate, and Marina picked her up and spun her around.  Alyssa’s heart thumped in jealousy.

Eventually, once the hype died down, after Emma denied multiple requests for another game, she made her way back to Alyssa’s side and latched onto her arm.

“Did you see that?” Emma’s eyes were aglow, and she was a bit more intoxicated than she had been earlier.  “I kicked  _ ass _ !”

Alyssa grinned.  “You were pretty awesome.”  Her eyes flicked over Emma’s shoulder to where Marina was still watching them.  “Someone else thought so too.” She took a drink, keeping her eyes on Emma’s new friend.

Emma looked over her shoulder at where Alyssa was looking and waved to Marina.  “What, Marina?”

Alyssa nodded.  “Yeah, she’s clearly into you.”

Emma blinked.  “What are you talking about?”

“Em, she was all over you during that game.  You didn’t notice?”

Emma shook her head.  “No, we were just having fun, she’s cool!”

Alyssa was about to protest, but shut her mouth when Marina walked up to them.  “Great game out there. I can’t believe it was your first time!” She leaned awfully close into Emma’s side.  Alyssa did her best not to glare at her. Instead, she downed the rest of her drink and set it aside.

“This is my roommate, Alyssa,” Emma introduced.

“Roommate?” Marina asked.  “Cool.” She had an arm over Emma’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna get another drink!” Alyssa shouted.

“I’ll come with,” Emma said, but Alyssa shook her head and stopped her.

“No, it’s fine, you two hang out.  What do you want?”

Emma frowned.  “Uh, same as earlier, I guess.”

Alyssa rushed to the kitchen, grabbing two bottles and popping them open.  She didn’t notice when someone else joined her inside. She turned around to find Jean Pierre leaning against the counter, smiling at her.

“You came!” he exclaimed.

“Indeed,” said Alyssa.

“Is that for me?” he asked, gesturing at the beer.

“No, it’s for my roommate, Emma.”

“Well, do you want to go dance?” he asked, a confident smirk on his face.

Maybe it was the beers she had, but Alyssa was exhausted.  “Oh my god, Jean Pierre, I’m not into you! I’m gay!”

To say Jean Pierre’s jaw dropped would be an understatement.  His mouth fell open, his eyes bulged out of his head. He fumbled for words.  “But-- I mean-- you don’t look--”

Alyssa rolled her eyes and pushed past him, back into the crowd.  She stumbled a little, spilling one of the beers in the process. She took a sip from that bottle.

As Alyssa rounded a corner, she found a sight that made her heart ache.  Emma and Marina were kissing.

For a second, Alyssa watched, torturing herself.  She almost lost her grip on the bottles. But she shook her head and turned around, heading for the backyard, leaving Emma to do whatever she wanted.  They were just roommates, not even friends yet, really. Emma’s business was her business and Alyssa was definitely not jealous.

At least, that’s what Alyssa tried to tell herself.

She walked down the steps into the backyard and sat on the bottom one, placing the two beer bottles on the ground next to her.  Well, tonight sucked.

At least she found the courage to actually come out to someone.  Even if that courage was just a combination of alcohol and frustration, it was a step.

It was only a few minutes later that Alyssa heard footsteps behind.  The sliding door was shut and the backyard night air suddenly became a bit more still and quiet, chatter from the stoners across the yard was muffled, barely audible under the now much quieter music.  The footsteps continued down the stairs and a figure sat down next to Alyssa.

“You were right,” Emma muttered.  “She was into me.”

“I noticed,” Alyssa mused.

“Is that why you left?”

Alyssa nodded.  “You were busy, I didn’t want to-- interrupt or anything.”

Emma sat awkwardly for a moment.  “I’ve never kissed anyone before that,” she confessed.

Alyssa looked down, suddenly very interested in her shoelaces.  She couldn’t imagine how someone like Emma hadn’t been kissed before.  She was kind of wonderful. “How was it?” Alyssa asked, and winced. What kind of question was that?

Emma shrugged, thinking of how to answer.  “Um, wet?” she finally settled on. Alyssa raised an eyebrow.  “Her tongue was… all over the place,” she chuckled. “It wasn’t bad, I guess.  Kind of nice, and like, low pressure. But then she wanted to do, uh, more stuff.”  She noticed Emma blush as she said this. “...stuff that I did  _ not  _ want to do.  But she was cool about it.”

Alyssa nodded, listening, enraptured.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Emma asked.  She didn’t sound quite as nervous as she normally would asking a question like that.  It was probably the alcohol.

Alyssa hesitated.  Were they really having this conversation now?  But she glanced over at Emma who was gazing at her with full interest.  Slowly, she nodded. “I dated a couple guys back in high school, mostly just to appease my mother,” she explained.

After a moment, Emma asked, “How was it?”

“The kissing?”  Emma nodded. Alyssa frowned and thought about it before answering honestly.  “Disappointing.”

At that, Emma laughed.  The sound was better than the music that played at the party inside, and it was contagious.  Alyssa found herself laughing too, and soon enough, she was clutching Emma’s arm as both girls were laughing hysterically, wiping tears from their eyes.

Eventually their laughter died down and Alyssa realized how tired she was, and let out a loud yawn.  Emma looked at her, amusement in her eyes.

“Do you want to head home?”

“That sounds great,” Alyssa sighed in relief.

Emma stood up from the steps first and held out a hand to help Alyssa off the ground.  She led the way back into the party, weaving through the crowd and out the front door, and she didn’t let go of Alyssa’s hand the entire time.

It wasn’t until they were out front, about to walk back to campus, that Alyssa glanced down at their joined hands, then back up to Emma, who did the same thing.  They both smiled, chuckled awkwardly, and slowly let their hands fall back to their own sides.

The entire walk back to their dorm room, as their arms brushed, Alyssa’s fingers itched to reach out and tangle between Emma’s, but she never did.

All in all, their first ever college party was definitely an experience, one Alyssa probably wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon.

  
  
  


Emma was pissed at herself.

It was six o’clock on a Tuesday night.  This paper was due  _ tomorrow _ and she hadn’t even  _ started _ !  She had tried, of course, but that usually just consisted of her staring at a blank word document unable to get herself to make the first dent in this  _ stupid _ music theory paper.

They weren’t having a mid term exam.  Instead, they had this paper. This stupid, goddamn, ten page paper that she had  _ weeks  _ to prepare for and  _ never did anything _ .

At least she had a very rough outline now, a direction that she knew she was working toward.  She typed another few words, then let out a loud groan and backspaced. The click of the lock on the door caught her attention, and a moment later, Alyssa was back from dinner.

“You sound excited about something,” she said.

Emma fell forward, gently ramming her head onto her desk.  “Just this stupid paper that’s due tomorrow that I’ve barely started,” she groaned.  “I’m probably gonna be up all night.” She sat up and grabbed her backpack. “Sorry, I’ll just go to the library so I don’t keep you up, I know you have an early class tomorrow.”

“No, it’s fine, stay,” Alyssa said.  “Actually, my class tomorrow morning was cancelled so I could keep you company if you want?”

“What, you want to  _ willingly _ stay up with me as I pull what will likely be my first college all-nighter to  _ keep me company _ ?” Emma scoffed.

Alyssa shrugged.  “It could be fun. I’ll get ahead on my homework.  Make sure you don’t fall asleep. I’ve had insomnia all week anyway.”

Alyssa brushed off the notion of staying up all night like it was nothing and Emma was baffled.  “I’m not forcing you to do this with me. I just need to finish my paper.”

“I’m volunteering to help!”

“Yeah, that’s weird!”

“I’m weird.”

“Very true.”

“So… what do you say?”  Alyssa wiggled an eyebrow, teasing.

Emma rolled her eyes.  “I mean, I guess, if you want.”

“Okay, consider me your personal motivator for the next twelve hours,” she said.  “Now get back to work!”

“Yes ma’am.”

It was slow, tedious work.  Academics weren’t exactly Emma’s strong suit, tests and papers and the like.  That’s why she loved music. It was something easy, that just made sense.

What didn’t make sense was writing a paper about music.

She had gotten one page finished, when Alyssa disappeared for about ten minutes and reappeared with two coffees and a bag of something.

“I grabbed some fuel,” she said.  “Coffee, black with sugar, just how you like it, weirdo.”

“Bless you.”  Emma snatched the coffee from her hands and took a sip.  It burned her tongue.

“And donuts.”

“Have I told you that I love you?” Emma asked.  “Because I do.”

She reached for the bag, but Alyssa jerked it out of reach.  “Nope.” She wagged a finger at Emma. “You don’t get your donut until you’re halfway through your paper.”

“What?!”

“Hey, this is what you get when you asked me to be your motivator.”

“ _ I never asked you _ !”

“Can you keep it down?  I’m working on homework over here.”  Alyssa sat down at her own desk across the room from Emma and opened her laptop.  Emma glared daggers at her back.

It was around nine that Emma started to get restless.  It was probably the coffee that was making her jittery.  Maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Her leg was practically vibrating and she kept tapping her pen on her desk.

“Hey Alyssa,” Emma said.  “What are you working on?”

“Philosophy paper,” Alyssa answered without looking up.

“Ooh, what’s it about?”  Emma rolled her chair across the room so she sat right next to Alyssa, trying to peer over her shoulder at what was on her screen.

“Comparing the ethics of Aristotle and Plato.”

Emma slunk down into her chair.  “Sounds boring.”

“It is.”  Alyssa finally turned her head to face Emma.  “How’s your paper coming along?”

“I’m at… two and a half pages.”

“Out of ten?”  Emma nodded. “You’re doomed.”

“Hey!  I can do this!  You don’t believe I can do this?”

Alyssa shook her head absently.  “Not really.”

Emma wheeled her chair back to her desk, grumbling, “I’ll show you…”

Five minutes later, Emma scrunched her eyebrows as realization crossed her mind, and she piped up again.

“Did you just reverse psychology me into working on my paper?”

Without even hesitating, Alyssa answered, “Yep,” popping the P.

It was a little before midnight when Emma got to the halfway mark of her paper, and she was rewarded as promised, with a donut break.

She and Alyssa sat cross-legged on the floor, munching on their donuts as Emma played music on her phone.  “Okay at this rate I’ll finish by...six? Maybe? And have a little time to sleep before class at noon.”

“You’ve got this.”  Alyssa laid down on the floor, sprawling out and staring up at the ceiling.  Emma joined her. Some people who lived here in the past had put those glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and nobody ever bothered to move them.

“See that?” Alyssa asked, pointing up at a random cluster of stars.  “That’s Orion.” Emma thought it looked more like a dick.

“You’re so funny,” Emma muttered, not laughing.  She was amused, though. Alyssa face scrunched up in annoyance as she glared at Emma.  It was adorable. Laying out on the floor, Emma found herself getting more and more tired.  She yawned. “Seriously, how are you not tired?”

Alyssa ignored her question.  “What’s your star sign?” she asked.

“Leo.”

“Hmm,” Alyssa’s eyes scanned the ceiling, and then widened.  “Okay, if you count that spider in the corner, that cluster kind of looks like the Leo constellation!”

Emma raised an eyebrow and looked to where she was pointing.  And then she realized there was a spider on the ceiling.

Emma jumped up off the floor and shrieked.  “There’s a spider?!”

Alyssa sat up and laughed.  “Emma, chill, it’s just a spider.”

“It’s over my bed!”

“Are you seriously scared of a little spider?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

Alyssa picked herself up off the floor.  “Okay, okay, give me a shoe.” She climbed on top of Emma’s bed and held out her hand.  Emma grabbed one of her converse sneakers and put it in Alyssa’s hand.

The ceiling was high, so Alyssa braced herself, bouncing a little on the bed, then jumped up and smacked the shoe against the ceiling.

She missed.

The spider began to skitter away down the wall.

“Alyssa, get it!”  Emma crawled into her chair, holding her knees to her chest, watching the spider like a hawk so it wouldn’t disappear from sight.

“I got it, I got it…” Alyssa grumbled, readjusting her grip on the shoe.  She waited until the spider stilled for a moment, then gave it a SMACK! And the spider was flattened against the bottom of Emma’s shoe.  “See? You’re welcome.”

Alyssa grabbed a tissue from her desk and wiped the spider guts from the wall and the shoe, tossing it in the trash.  As she turned to give the shoe back to Emma she found her still frozen in fear on her chair.

“You okay?” Alyssa laughed.

“No, but I’m not tired anymore.”

“Great, so you can get back to working on your paper!”

Emma pouted.  “But the spider interrupted my break.  I should at least get another few minutes.”  She stuck out her bottom lip and gave Alyssa her best sad eyes, and watched as Alyssa’s resolve slowly crumbled.

“Fine.  Two more minutes and then back to work.”  She watched as Alyssa set a timer on her phone to hold them accountable.

Emma settled on the floor again, and Alyssa joined her.  “Do you know a lot about constellations?”

Alyssa nodded.  “I used to go stargazing in the field behind our house… with my dad.  He would point out different constellations and planets.”

“That’s impressive.  Everything up there just looks the same to me,” she chuckled.  “Are you close with your dad?”

Alyssa frowned.  “No, he— uh, he gave me a book on constellations for my tenth birthday.  And then the next day, he left me and my mom. I haven’t seen him since.”

“I’m sorry.”  Emma rolled over onto her stomach and rested her chin in her hands.  She watched as Alyssa spoke absentmindedly, gazing up at the fake stars on the ceiling.

“Sometimes I think that’s why my mom is the way she is,” Alyssa sighed.  “Believe it or not, we used to be a lot closer. And after he left she just became more distant and her expectations were so high.”

“Well, I definitely understand having shitty parents,” Emma muttered.  “It sucks.”

Alyssa turned her head to the side to see Emma watching her intently.  “Yeah.”

Alyssa was on her back, looking at Emma.  Her curly hair was splayed out beneath her on the ground, she had one hand behind her head and the other resting on her stomach where her shirt rode up a little, exposing some skin.  Emma’s eyes were drawn there for a moment, then back up to Alyssa’s eyes, that were locked on hers. Emma’s gaze dipped down to Alyssa’s lips for a moment, pursed together deep in thought, and for a moment she let herself wonder what it might be like to kiss them.

Alyssa didn’t seem uncomfortable under her gaze, although Emma wasn’t sure quite how obvious she was being with her longing looks.  Emma’s heart was racing, and she watched as Alyssa’s lips turned up in a small, hesitant smile.

A second later, the charged moment was broken when Alyssa’s phone started blasting an alarm.  Alyssa blinked a few times, then sat up. Her cheeks looked a little flushed and she grabbed her phone and turned off the sound.  “Break’s over.”

Emma wanted to be disappointed, but she was grateful.  She was reading too much into this. Alyssa was probably straight and Emma couldn’t keep indulging this hopeless crush on her roommate.  And she had a paper to finish.

She wordlessly got up and climbed back into her computer chair, getting to work again, though she could have sworn she felt Alyssa’s eyes watching her for a bit longer.

Emma couldn’t remember what time it started happening, but her vision was going fuzzy.  It was three in the morning and she was eight pages in, so close to finishing, but every few seconds her eyes would droop and her head would slump, and then she would jolt herself awake, blinking rapidly, staring at the screen.

“Come on,” she muttered.

Alyssa was in bed, still awake, but watching a movie on her laptop and keeping an eye on Emma.

Emma rested her head in one hand and lazily typed away with the other one, but then her vision went cloudy and her eyes were tired and a moment later, everything was dark.

THUNK!

In her exhaustion, Emma’s hand slipped and her head fell, slamming into her desk.  “Ouch!”

Alyssa leapt out of bed at the noise, rushing to Emma’s side.  “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Emma rubbed her forehead where it hit the desk.  “I’m good,” she yawned. “Just dozed off, I think.”

“Why don’t you take a nap?” Alyssa asked.

“And sleep through all my alarms only to wake up late for class with an unfinished paper?  No thanks.” Emma pushed her chair closer to her desk and blinked a few times, trying to clear her sleepy vision.  “I’m almost done.”

“Emma, the state you’re in now, you’re probably better off handing in an unfinished paper.”

“I can do this!”

“I’m not trying to reverse psychology you again, I just really think you need some sleep.”  Emma ignored her. “Just a quick twenty minute nap. I’ll wake you up.”

“Good luck with that,” Emma chuckled.  “I sleep like a rock.”

Alyssa grabbed the arms of Emma’s chair and turned it to face her.  “Please go to sleep. Just for a bit.”

Emma’s eyes hurt and were probably red and her glasses were askew and her hair was standing up in a way that she hadn’t thought possible before.  Alyssa stared her down until she let out a defeated sigh. “Fine.”

Emma crawled into bed and kicked off her jeans, not even caring Alyssa was there.  It was over a month into the year and they had both seen each other in various states of undress because that shit happens when you share a room, and Emma was too exhausted to care at this point.  She set an alarm for twenty minutes, then turned to Alyssa. “You’ll wake me up, right?”

“Of course.”

Emma pulled up the blankets to her chin, closed her eyes, and drifted off in a matter of seconds.

Her sleep was dreamless, peaceful.  She would have thought she died if she didn’t know any better.  Nothing from the outside world could penetrate into Emma’s unconscious mind.

There was some muffled noise in the distance, but not enough to pay attention too.  A moment later, the noise sounded again, a bit louder this time, but still too quiet to make out.

Then, the world began to shake.  Emma was still asleep, but she felt unsteady, like she was on a boat in stormy waters.

The sound came again, much louder this time.

“Emma!” said the voice.  “Emma, wake up!”

Wake up?  Her body jolted again, shoulders being pushed back and forth.

Finally, Emma wrenched open an eye to find Alyssa straddling her, shaking her shoulders and shouting her name.

Emma’s eyes grew wide as she realized Alyssa’s proximity.  She could feel Alyssa’s weight on top of her, and her body flooded with heat.

When Alyssa realized Emma’s eyes were open, she sat back.  With Alyssa no longer hovering over her, she suddenly missed the closeness.

“Sorry,” Alyssa said.  “You were right, you sleep like the dead.  I’ve been trying to wake you up for ten minutes.”

Emma blinked a few times, sitting up slowly and rubbing her eyes.  “Uh, thanks.”

“Cool.”  Alyssa nodded awkwardly and climbed off the bed, leaving Emma a moment to compose herself before she got back to work.

That’s one way to wake up.

Emma finished her paper just before five in the morning.  The sky outside was an ugly brown color, awkwardly transitioning from the inky black night to the orange sunrise.

Alyssa had fallen asleep at some point; she was sprawled out in bed, laptop open on her stomach and headphones over her ears, but her eyes were closed and her breath was even.

Emma shut the laptop and pulled off her headphones, moving them to Alyssa’s desk.  As she did this, Alyssa rolled into her side, curling up. She clutched a pillow and pulled it into her arms, snuggling into it.  Emma couldn’t help but smile at Alyssa’s adorable sleeping form. She went over to her desk and grabbed a post it, then jotted down a quick note.

_ Thanks again for the help last night. Dinner’s on me! -E _

She tiptoed back over to Alyssa and stuck the note on her forehead where she would be sure to find it when she woke.

Finally, Emma climbed back into her own bed, setting her alarm a little early so she would have time to print her paper at the library, and drifted off to sleep.

  
  
  


Usually, Alyssa didn’t look forward to holidays.  All it meant was having to put on an uncomfortable dress and wear a mask for her family and also probably go to church with her mom.  But this year, Alyssa was away at college, two thousand miles from her mother for Thanksgiving.

When her mom first asked if she was going to fly home for Thanksgiving, Alyssa was quick to come up with an excuse as to why she couldn’t.  “I have a huge paper due the Monday after,” she had said. “What’s the point of coming home if I’m just going to be working the whole time?”

Her mom accepted her excuse (which was a blatant lie), and finally Alyssa was free to do whatever she wanted for the holiday.  She wasn’t quite sure yet what that would consist of, but probably something along the lines of ordering herself an entire pizza and staying in pajamas all day watching movies.

Alyssa rushed out of her last class of the day, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, excited to get back to her room and enjoy the extra long weekend that awaited her.  She stepped outside into the brisk cold and zipped her jacket up a bit more, wishing she had brought a scarf with her today. She rubbed her hands together for warmth and made her way through the windy campus back to her dorm room.  She was going to put on the warmest pajamas she had and not leave her bed this whole weekend if she could help it.

It was only a few minutes later, while Alyssa was still searching for what pajamas to wear, that Emma trudged inside.  She was shivering from the cold, adorned in a thick jacket, a scarf, and a beanie.

“It’s so  _ f-fucking _ cold!” she stuttered.  “I’m not leaving my bed all weekend.”

Alyssa looked up from her dresser, clutching onto a pair of soft blue pajama pants.  “You’re staying here this weekend?”

“Yeah,” Emma said, kicking off her shoes and dropping her backpack on her desk.  “Gran knows I plan on going back to Indiana as little as humanly possible.”

Alyssa chuckled.  “Well, good to know I’ll have company.”

“You’re staying too?”  Alyssa nodded. “I thought your mom would have wanted you to fly out for the holiday.”

“Oh, she did.  But I lied and told her I have a huge paper due Monday.  So now I can just put on pajamas and relax for four days!”

Emma turned to look at her, slowly shucking off her jacket, hat, scarf, and other various layers she had put on to brave the wind.  “We should celebrate,” she said. Alyssa could see the gears turning in her head. “We’re both here, it’s a holiday! Let’s do something fun!”

Alyssa smiled.  “As much as I would love to, I wasn’t planning on leaving this room if I can help it.  It’s too fucking cold outside.”

Emma stared at her and gestured to the pile of clothing that had accumulated at her feet.  “Who do you think you’re talking to?” She laughed. “No, we can stay in here, but we could, like, have a movie night or…”  Her eyes lit up. “Ooh I’ve got it! Blanket fort!”

“What?” Alyssa asked in surprise.

“A blanket fort!  We can use our chairs and our beds to hold up the sheets and we’ll just get all bundled up and watch stuff from the comfort and warmth of our blanket fort because it’s so cold outside!”

Emma was practically vibrating with excitement, grabbing pillows from her bed, already wanting to get started.

“Come on, Alyssa!  Grab your sheets!”

“Wait,” Alyssa said, a little embarrassed.  “I’ve, uh, never made a blanket fort before,” she confessed with a shrug.  “I don’t know how.”

This didn’t stop Emma’s enthusiasm.  In fact, it seemed to make her even more excited.  “I’ll teach you! WAIT. I’ve got it. If we move my mattress to the ground and use that as a base we can sit there all night and our butts won’t hurt.  It’s  _ perfect _ !  Alyssa Greene, I’m about to change your life.”

Emma was practically glowing with excitement, or maybe Alyssa’s crush on her roommate was more serious than she thought.

_ I think you already have _ , Alyssa thought as she watched Emma pull everything off her bed to get started, pushing chairs together, and sifting through blankets, deciding which one to start with.  She took a moment to just appreciate Emma’s endearing enthusiasm for this little project before setting her pajamas aside and joining her roommate in their fort construction.

It took… much longer than Alyssa had expected it to.  But Emma was taking this fort business very seriously, and who was she to not indulge?  First, they pulled Emma’s mattress off her bed frame, keeping the fitted sheet on it, and laid it down on the ground next to her bed.

They moved Emma’s chair to the other side of the room so they could use the two desk chairs, and Emma’s desk to hold up the blankets.

The hardest part was figuring out how to position everything.  If the chairs were too far apart, the blankets would sag, but if they were too close together, it became too taut and would start to fall off the desks.  They ended up using a couple of textbooks to hold the blankets in their spot, and a well-placed umbrella on the inside to keep one side from collapsing on them.

After that was solved, all they had to do was prepare the inside.  They grabbed all of their collective pillows and blankets and stuffed animals, creating a cocoon of warmth on the inside.  Alyssa grabbed her extension cord and ran it under the blankets so they had a place to plug in laptops and charge phones. As a final touch, Emma grabbed a flashlight and her translucent water bottle, turned it on and set it against the side of the bottle and it cast a glow over the whole inside of the tent.

The whole process took about an hour, but finally the pizza they ordered had arrived, they were dressed in comfy clothes, and ready to settle in.

They had pillows propped up against the dresser to give their backs a place to rest.  Alyssa crawled inside first and looked around in awe at their handiwork.

“Wow,” she gasped.  “This is so cool.”

“How’s your first blanket fort?”  Emma crawled inside after her, clutching her laptop and setting it down on the floor.

“It’s awesome.”

Emma reached blindly outside and eventually grabbed the pizza box with paper plates and napkins stacked on top.  “What do you wanna watch first?” she asked, opening the box and grabbing a slice. She placed it on a paper plate which she handed to Alyssa.

“Hmm.”  Alyssa thought about it as she grabbed the plate from Emma.  What could they watch that was… cozy? Something to make her feel warm inside?  “Do you like Parks and Recreation?”

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Emma said, then took a bite of her own slice of pizza.  “Of course I like Parks and Rec! What episode?”

“I really like the Harvest Festival stuff because of--”

“Lil Sebastian?”

“Are you sure we’ve only known each other for two months?” Alyssa laughed.  “I love Lil Sebastian.”

“He’s the best character, obviously,” Emma agreed.  She pulled up the show on her laptop and they settled into their blankets, leaning back against the dresser.

Alyssa contentedly munched on her pizza, looking around at the fort, and at Emma, with a smile on her face.

“What are you thinking?” Emma asked as the cold open to the episode started playing.

“Just… I don’t know what I thought college was going to be like but this definitely wasn’t it,” Alyssa said with an amused chuckle.

“What did you think it would be?”

Alyssa shrugged.  “I dunno. Drinking, partying, hooking up.  The kind of stuff you see in movies. Although I should’ve figured that the movies aren’t accurate.”

“Is this good different or bad different?” Emma asked.  It was dark so Alyssa couldn’t tell, but she seemed a little nervous.

“Oh, definitely good!” Alyssa clarified.  “I am definitely not a party girl.”

“Oh, me neither,” Emma said.  “One and done was good for me.”

“You could’ve fooled me, you killed it at beer pong!” Alyssa said, excitedly grabbing Emma’s arm.

Emma shrugged, embarrassed.  “Beginner’s luck, I guess. Anyway, that was all Marina.”

Alyssa’s smile wavered at the mention of the other girl, but tried not to let her jealousy show.  “Please,” she scoffed. “I saw that game-winning shot you made. It was impressive.”

Emma chuckled, and muttered, “Thanks.”

That seemed to be all Emma had to say, and Alyssa wasn’t sure what to say either.  Their silence was filled with the jaunty Parks and Recreation theme song. “So, uh,” Alyssa started nervously, “speaking of Marina… have you seen her again?”

Emma laughed at that.  “Oh, no, definitely not.  She was… a lot. I’ll just leave that experience at the party.”

This eased Alyssa’s jealousy a bit.  She hoped that Emma couldn’t see the relief on her face, and hoped the darkness of the fort provided her a good cover.

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Has our friend JP weaseled his way into your heart yet?”

“Oh  _ god _ no!” Alyssa defended.  “No, he hasn’t bothered me since I ran into him at the party.”

“When did you see him at the party?”

Alyssa froze.  Right. That was when Emma was with Marina and she basically told him to fuck off because she was gay.  She tried not to think about that moment a lot. “Oh, um, just briefly when I was grabbing a drink. I, uh, made it clear I wasn’t interested and he backed off.”

“That’s good.”

“Mhm.”

Alyssa suddenly felt nervous.  It was like she was keeping this giant secret from Emma even though it wasn’t really a secret.  She should’ve just told her before, when they first met. Or she could have told Emma at the party, or after the party, or a number of other times since they  _ lived _ together.  She could have literally taken any opportunity over the past few months and every time Alyssa thought about telling her, the moment passed and she shrugged it off.

The episode continued on, but Alyssa wasn’t even paying attention because she was so stuck in her inner dilemma.  Why couldn’t she just tell Emma? It’s not like it was a big deal. Emma was gay, and she would absolutely understand.  Would she assume that Alyssa had a crush on her? Because, well, she  _ did _ , but she didn’t want Emma to know _. _  As Emma laughed at a joke, Alyssa glanced over at her like she held the stars.

Emma was the coolest person Alyssa knew.  She just didn’t care what others thought of her and she wasn’t afraid to proudly be who she is.  She was smart, and funny, and she somehow already knew Alyssa better than anyone else before even though they hadn’t known each other very long.

Maybe that was why Alyssa was scared.  She had never had a friend like Emma before, and she had never come out to anyone important to her before.  It was kind of a big deal.

Alyssa’s racing mind was apparently more evident than she hoped, because eventually, Emma nudged her arm and she jolted.  “Huh?”

“Are you okay?” Emma asked.  “You seem a little spaced. Lil Sebastian was just on and you didn’t even look up.”

“I’m fine,” Alyssa said.  Emma frowned; she knew she was lying.  “Well, I-- can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

Alyssa hesitated.  How do you even say this?  She tried to think back to movies or TV shows, but suddenly forgot every coming out scene she had ever seen.  “Um, I’ve been keeping something from you.”

“What?” Emma sounded hurt, disappointed.  Wrong choice of words.

“Shit, I mean, not intentionally, it just never came up before, I guess.  Or I didn’t know how to say…” Emma wasn’t saying anything, but she looked at Alyssa with confusion and concern in her eyes.  Alyssa took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

The look on Emma’s face immediately changed to concerned understanding, and Alyssa knew she made the right choice in telling her.

“I’ve known for a while.  Years, actually, but I’ve never been able to tell anyone before,” she explained.  She looked down, away from Emma, unable to hold her gaze. Instead, she busied herself by playing with a loose thread on the blanket in her lap.  “Well, I drunkenly told JP at the party when he wouldn’t leave me alone, but that doesn’t count. But-- just-- I couldn’t tell my mom. And I wasn’t that close with any friends in high school that I wanted to tell them so I just… never said anything.  I never wanted to. Until now, I guess.”

It was quiet for a moment, then Alyssa felt a cool hand on top of her own.  Emma gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and she looked up again. “Well I’m glad you told me,” she said with an encouraging smile.

It was like Emma could read her mind.  She didn’t press any further or ask any questions.  Alyssa didn’t want it to be a big thing, she just wanted Emma to know, and now she did.  It was as easy as she hoped it would be.

They settled comfortably back against the dresser, watching their show.  Alyssa felt a weight off her shoulders now that she had told Emma.

After a few episodes of Parks and Recreation, they decided to switch things up and Emma decided what to watch next: Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Alyssa was not going to admit to Emma that she was scared of ghosts.  She had far too much pride and Emma was so excited to show her an episode.  Alyssa was tense, anxiously clutching her pillow to her chest, flinching every time Emma moved.  The show itself wasn’t even that scary, it was actually pretty funny and entertaining, but just the idea of ghosts was enough to put Alyssa on edge.  And this one had a demon in it which was ten times worse.

Emma easily picked up on Alyssa’s unease and subtly turned down the volume and turned up the brightness of her flashlight.  It would have been sweet had it not been an episode where the demon turned a flashlight on and off.

“So you didn’t like it?” Emma asked, once the show was over.

“It’s not the show I didn’t like, it’s ghosts and demons!” Alyssa exclaimed.  “I’m gonna have to sage the room now.”

“Are you telling me you have sage in your desk or something.”

Alyssa frowned.  “No. But I can go out and get some!”

“No you won’t, it’s almost eleven and you already said it’s too cold outside.”

“You’re right,” Alyssa sighed.  “I did like it though! But maybe no more episodes at night?”

“We can put on a movie?  Something fun and not scary, just for you.”  Emma gave her a teasing grin and as much as Alyssa wanted to be offended, Emma was too cute.

“Yeah, yeah.  Just pick a movie.”

Emma absently scrolled through Netflix and silence fell in the room.  They heard the wind rattle their windows and Emma instinctively shivered.

“Are you still cold?” Alyssa asked.

“A little,” Emma said.  “I grew up in the snow, I don’t know why a little wind is so cold now.”

“Didn’t Mark Twain say the coldest winter he ever felt was a summer in San Francisco?”

Emma snorted.  “Yeah, I think I heard that somewhere.  I never believed it until I felt the wind here.  Ooh, how about Mamma Mia?”

“That’s a good one.”

Emma clicked on the movie and set her laptop back in front of them.  As she leaned back, she shivered again, and Alyssa could see the goosebumps on her arms.  She sighed.

“Come here,” Alyssa muttered, and threw her blanket over Emma so they could share.  Emma scooted a little closer until their arms were pressed together. Emma’s knee hit her leg, but quickly pulled away.

“Thanks,” Emma said, not looking at her.

Alyssa’s eyes were glued firmly to the laptop screen as she focused on trying to keep her heart rate under control at Emma’s close proximity.  Emma seemed to be a little tense too, for whatever reason.

But when the movie started, both girls were quickly distracted and soon were able to relax.  Alyssa found herself leaning into Emma a little over time, and as Emma stretched out her legs, they bumped against Alyssa’s and neither of them bothered to move.

At some point during the movie, Alyssa must have drifted off.  The next thing she knew, she was blinking the sleep out of her eyes.  Her mouth was dry, and she couldn’t see the window from within the fort so she had no idea what time it was.

It took a moment, but then Alyssa registered a weight against her body.  Emma was asleep too, and at some point in the night, her arm had draped over Alyssa’s waist and was lightly clutching her t-shirt.  She turned her head and glanced over at Emma, snoring lightly, her glasses pressing into her face. Alyssa turned over to face her and gently removed the glasses, setting them aside.  As she did this, Emma sleepily whined, and then snuggled in a little closer.

Alyssa didn’t care what time it was.  She closed her eyes and relaxed in Emma’s embrace, easily drifting back to sleep.

The next time Alyssa woke up, it’s because there was a shifting at her side.  She felt the warmth disappear and unconsciously rolled back into it, her eyes slowly flitting open.  Emma’s face was inches from her own, her eyes open and looking down at Alyssa with a tired but amused smile.

“Morning,” Emma muttered.

Emma’s arm was still around her, and their bodies were pressed close, under the blanket together.  Alyssa felt her cheeks heat up at the proximity, embarrassed about unconsciously wanting to be closer to her.  “Sorry,” she said, rolling onto her back. “I guess I’m a cuddler.”

Emma shook her head, slowly pulling her arm away from where it was draped over Alyssa and tucked it under her own head.  “It’s okay.”

Alyssa immediately missed the contact.  She tried not to think about it. “What time is it?” she yawned.

“Almost eleven.”

“Shit, really?”

Emma chuckled.  “I guess we were comfortable.”

Alyssa turned over to face Emma again to find the other girl already looking at her.  “I guess so.”

Emma opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted when they heard a knock at the door.  They both frowned.

“Are you expecting anyone?”

Emma shook her head.  “You?”

“Nope.”

Another knock.  “Alyssa, sweetie?  It’s your mother.”

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Alyssa shot up, hitting the top of the fort.  “What the hell is she doing here?” she whispered to Emma, climbing out of the blankets.  “Shit, shit,  _ shit _ .”  Alyssa crawled out of the fort, bringing down half the roof on top of Emma in the process.  “Sorry!” She rushed to her dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that she quickly threw on, grabbed her phone and key card, and stepped outside, closing the door quickly behind her.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” Alyssa asked.

“Surprise!” her mom said, pulled her into a tight hug.  “You said you couldn’t make it for Thanksgiving and I couldn’t  _ imagine _ not getting to see my only daughter for such an important holiday so I booked a flight.  Don’t worry, I won’t keep you from writing your paper, I’m only here for a day. I just wanted to spend some time with my little girl.”

Alyssa gaped, not sure what to say.

“Well don’t sound so excited.  Are you going to invite me in?”

“No!” Alyssa said quickly.  She did  _ not _ want her mother to see the blanket fort that she had slept in with her lesbian roommate, because that would just lead to a whole lecture that she did not have the energy for.  “I mean, um, Emma’s still asleep, I don’t want to wake her. Why don’t we go out?”

“Still asleep this late?  And what’s she doing here and not home with her family?  I suppose I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t want her there--”

“Mom...”

“And look at you, your hair’s a mess!  Did you just wake up too? That girl’s already such a bad influence on you--”

“ _ Mom! _ ”  Her mother stopped talking and stared at her daughter, blinking.  Alyssa knew her tone was a little too aggressive, but she didn’t say anything.  “Let’s go out. There’s a place we can get brunch that I know not too far. You like brunch, right?”

Her mother’s face softened.  “Sounds perfect. Do you need to grab a jacket?  And maybe a hair brush.”

Alyssa nodded.  “Would you mind just waiting right here?  I’ll be quick.”

When her mother nodded, Alyssa squeezed back into the room, opening the door as little as possible and shutting it softly behind her.  She found Emma outside the fort, pulling off the sheet they used as a roof and folding it.

“I swear I had no idea she was coming,” Alyssa whispered.

“It’s okay,” Emma muttered, focusing on folding up the blanket in her arms, but struggling with it.  Alyssa grabbed the other end and helped her. Emma took the folded blanket and set it on the ground next to her feet, starting a pile.  “I’ll clean up in here before you guys get back.”

“Thanks,” Alyssa said.

“And if she wants to hang out with you for a bit, just text me and I’ll steer clear until she’s gone.”

“You don’t have to do that--”

“It’s not for you,” Emma clarified.  “It’s for me. I’m sorry, but I just… can’t be around her if she’s going to say stuff about me.”

“I get that.  I’m sorry.” Alyssa frowned when Emma still wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“I’ll see you later, I guess.”

Alyssa wanted to reach out and hug Emma, but her roommate was so distant and tense now, a sharp contrast from just a few minutes ago when they woke up together.  Not to mention her mom was waiting outside and she had already taken a bit longer than she probably should have. After one last look at Emma, Alyssa grabbed the first jacket that she saw and the hairbrush from her desk and walked out the door again.

Alyssa rushed her mom out of the dorm and to the restaurant she mentioned.  She hadn’t actually been there before but some of her friends from class had told her about it, so hopefully it would be up to her mother’s standards.  And it was all she could think of under such short notice.

When her mother stepped away to use the restroom, Alyssa pulled out her phone, wanting to text Emma, but she had no idea what to say.

_ Are you okay? _ She started to type, and then erased it.  That was a stupid question. Should she apologize again or would that be overkill?  Instead, she settled for something simple.

_ Just so you know, I had a lot of fun last night. I hope my mom’s surprise wake-up call didn’t ruin everything. _

It wasn’t long before Emma’s reply came through and Alyssa’s relief was immediate.   _ I had fun too. Sorry I freaked out earlier _

_ Can I make it up to you?   _ Alyssa snapped a quick picture of the menu.   _ You want anything? I’ll bring home leftovers. My mother’s treat. _

She saw Emma typing, and looked over the menu herself trying to decide on something to eat.   _ Haha, you don’t have to make anything up to me, it’s not your fault _ , Emma said.   _ But if you accidentally order too much bacon and need to bring it home I won’t complain _ .

Alyssa chuckled and started typing again.

“What’s so funny?” her mother asked, sliding back into her seat across from Alyssa.

“Just a picture of a dog,” Alyssa said quickly, putting her phone away.  “How was your flight, mom?”

“ _ Long _ ,” she groaned.  “Now, I don’t know why people always insist on bringing their children on flights longer than an hour.  There should really be a separate children’s section, I tell you. And don’t even get me started on the flight attendants…”

Alyssa knew that if her mom loved one thing, it was complaining.  She would be talking for a while. Alyssa was only half-listening; the rest of her thoughts were preoccupied, remembering what it was like to wake up in Emma’s arms this morning.

It was also fun imagining the look on her mother’s face if she ever found out.

  
  
  


Finals week was kicking Emma’s ass.  She had an exam just about every day and was already exhausted from the two papers that were due the week before.

It was halfway through the week, and Emma still had her finals for her music theory class and her math class.  The math exam was pretty much hopeless for her to study for. Emma had always struggled with the subject and had been studying and doing extra work for weeks.  If she didn’t understand the concepts by now, she never would. She was aiming for higher, but she only had to get a D plus on the final to get a solid B minus in the class and never have to worry about math ever again for the rest of her life.

The music theory class, though, she wanted to do well.  Emma was exhausted from studying various terms and concepts and was taking a quick break to strum away at her guitar, seeing if she could use some of the ideas she learned in her own playing.

She was startled when the door flew open and slammed shut again as Alyssa stormed inside.  Something about her as she walked inside was off. Her hands were shaking as she took off her jacket, and she stumbled as she kicked off her shoes.  Instead of sitting, she began to pace back and forth across the room.

“Alyssa?” Emma asked, concerned.  “You okay?”

It wasn’t until Alyssa turned around that Emma realized she was crying.

Alyssa opened her mouth, choked out a sound, and closed it again, her breath caught in her throat.  Then, Emma noticed that Alyssa was breathing really fast. Like, faster than a normal amount of breathing.  It was like she couldn’t catch her breath or say anything. She was sweating even though it was forty degrees outside and her hands couldn’t stop shaking.

Emma had enough panic attacks in her life to recognize what was happening.

“Whoa, hey, Alyssa,” Emma stood up, propping her guitar against Alyssa’s bed, and grabbed her hands, holding them steady.  “Alyssa look at me.”

Alyssa focused on her for a moment, and then her eyes flitted away again.  Her eyes darted, but still came back to Emma’s every few seconds.

“Breathe with me, okay?”  Emma took slow, steady breaths, easing Alyssa into following, but as soon as she seemed to be starting to catch her breath, she would sob again and lose her rhythm and she was back to her erratic breathing.

“I don’t-- I can’t--”

“You don’t have to say anything, just breathe.”

“She-- and my--  _ fuck! _ ”

The tears streaming down Alyssa’s face made Emma’s heart ache.  She knew what worked for her when she had a panic attack, but getting Alyssa to breathe didn’t seem to be helping.  She didn’t know what else to do.

“Alyssa, what do you need?” she asked.  If Alyssa was so determined to try and talk, maybe she could learn something.

Alyssa was still shaking and looking around, unable to focus on anything, until her eyes fell on Emma’s guitar.  She raised a trembling finger and pointed. “P-play something?”

Emma nodded quickly.  “Of course. Come here, sit down.”  She turned Alyssa’s chair and helped her sit.  As she pulled her hands away, Alyssa’s grip tightened.  “I have to get my guitar,” Emma muttered. Slowly, Alyssa’s grip eased, and Emma grabbed her guitar and pulled up a chair.

Now her own hands were shaking, but she took a deep breath to relax, and began to strum a tune.  It wasn’t any song in particular; she was just playing various chords that sounded nice together, trying to create a calming melody.  She kept her eyes on her fingers as she played, trying not to mess up or hit the wrong string.

Emma played for a few minutes, looping the same melody over and over again, adding a little extra flair each time she went around.  Alyssa’s crying had stopped, and her breathing had slowed a little, but not much. Emma took a glance up at Alyssa. She leaned back in her chair, eyes shut tight.  Occasionally her chest would stutter as she inhaled a few too many times at once, forgetting to exhale, but then she got it back on track. Slowly, her eyes shut tight began to relax, and her breath came easier.  The white-knuckled grip that Alyssa had on the arms of her chair loosened.

Eventually she opened her eyes, and rested her head against her hand to watch Emma play.

Emma didn’t want to press if she still wasn’t ready, so she just kept playing, turning her gaze back to her fingers on the frets, and plucked away at the strings.

It was a while before Alyssa finally spoke up.  “Thank you.”

Emma kept playing, but turned her attention back to her roommate.  “Of course.”

Alyssa buried her face in her hands.  “I’m sorry. God, I’m so embarrassed. I thought you wouldn’t be here.”

“Hey, don’t apologize.  Panic attacks happen to the best of us.  I’m glad I was here.”

Alyssa didn’t look up.  She had calmed down significantly, but seemed exhausted now.  Emma set her guitar aside and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge, opened it, and handed it to Alyssa.  She grabbed the bottle and took a sip.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emma asked tentatively.

Alyssa hesitated, pursing her lips in thought for a moment.  “It’s just… a lot of different things.” She took another sip of water.  “My mom called earlier. Saying she’s  _ so proud of me  _ and the great lawyer I’ll become.  And then I found out I’m getting a B in my philosophy class.  I haven’t gotten a B since art class in sixth grade. I  _ hate _ philosophy.  And there’s no way I’ll get into a good law school with a B on my record, not to mention what my mother will say when she hears I got a B… and I don’t even  _ want _ to be a lawyer!”  She stopped herself from ranting before she got too upset and spiralled into another panic attack.

Emma was stuck on her last words, though.  “You don’t want to be a lawyer?”

“No,” Alyssa groaned.  “I’ve tried to stick with it because my mom has been pushing it for so long but it  _ sucks _ , Emma.  Everyone is so stuffy and the classes are so boring.  If I hate it now there’s no way I’ll survive actual law school.”

“So what do you want to do about it?”

“I want to tell my mom to fuck off and then drop out of college, but I know that’s a terrible idea.”  Emma chuckled and Alyssa gave her a small smile. At least she still had her sense of humor. “I don’t know… I guess step one is figure out what else I want to do.”

“Definitely before you tell your mom.”

“Oh telling her is like step fifty.  I’m sure it’ll give her a heart attack.”  Alyssa leaned back in her chair and took another drink of water.  “Hey,” she said softly. “Thank you again. You really helped.”

Emma shook her head.  “You don’t have to thank me.”

Alyssa spotted the guitar again and her lips quirked up into a small smile.  “You know, that was the first time you played for me and we’ve been living together how long?”

“I didn’t want to bother you, so I’d usually just play when I knew you were out.”

“Well you’re really good,” Alyssa said.  “Don’t do that anymore.”

Emma blushed and looked away.  “Pfft, no that was nothing, I just… I just wanted to help.”

“I’m serious,” Alyssa said, sitting up again.  “If you don’t serenade me at least once a week next semester I’m going to be very disappointed.”

Emma laughed awkwardly.  She was sure her cheeks were bright red.  “That’s a lot of serenading.”

Alyssa tilted her head to one side as she smiled at Emma, and Emma felt her heart beat speed up in her chest.  “Anyway,” Alyssa sighed after a moment. “I still have one more paper to finish so I should get to work.”

“Alyssa, you’re exhausted.  You don’t want to take a break first?  We can grab dinner?”

Alyssa considered for a moment and shrugged.  “I’m not that hungry, but it might be nice to get out and go for a walk.  I’ll just grab a banana or something.”

“Great.”  Emma grabbed her guitar by the neck and placed it carefully back on its stand by her bed.  She put on her shoes, and once Alyssa was ready, they headed out the door.

Emma had forgotten how cold it was because the moment she stepped outside, she wished she was wearing more than a plaid flannel with a t-shirt underneath, but she toughed it out.  It was a short walk to the dining hall, just a few minutes, but they sauntered down the road casually and even opted not to cut across the parking lot for a shortcut.

“So how’s finals week treating you?” Alyssa asked.  “Better than me, I hope.”

“Well I’ve had an exam every day this week and still have two more, so not great.”

“That sucks.”

“Yep.  At this point I’m just trying to survive my math class, but everything else is fine.  I just can’t wait to be done with it all.”

“Same.”

“What paper are you w-writing?”  Emma’s voice stuttered as a strong gust of wind blew past them and she shivered.

“Are you cold?” Alyssa asked.”

“N-no.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes and took off her jacket.  She was wearing a turtleneck sweater underneath, and the cold didn’t seem to bother her quite as much as it did Emma.  “Here.” She draped her jacket over Emma’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” Emma muttered, blushing again.

“How long have you been playing guitar?” Alyssa asked.

“Um, five years I think.”  Emma counted in her head to double check.  “I saved up for like a year and bought her at the swap meet when I was thirteen.  Taught myself to play ‘cause my parents wouldn’t spring for lessons.”

“You taught yourself to play?”  Alyssa stopped walking for a moment and just looked at her.  She had both eyebrows raised, and her mouth was slightly agape.

Emma stopped in her tracks when she realized that Alyssa was no longer keeping pace with her.  “Yeah.”

Alyssa licked her lips and shook her head, a baffled smile taking over her features.  “That’s amazing,” she mused. “You’re kind of amazing, Emma.”

At this comment, Emma snorted.  She had meant to scoff, or laugh, or… anything else.  But what came out was a snort. She brushed it off and shook her head.  “No I’m not.”

“Yes you are!”  Alyssa gently bumped into her shoulder.  “You’re the best roommate I could have hoped for.”

Emma was a flustered mess at this point.  She knew Alyssa was probably just grateful for her help earlier, but her comments were still flattering.  And Emma’s maybe-not-so-hopeless crush on her roommate was flourishing. She looked down at her feet and scuffed her shoe against the ground.  “Well, you’re pretty great too.”

Alyssa gave her a dimpled smile and it was prettier than all the stars in the sky.

  
  
  


After their last papers were turned in and final exams were finished, Alyssa made it her goal to sleep until her body had caught up on all the sleep she had missed during the semester.

Unfortunately, that plan was rudely interrupted when Emma woke her up at eight in the morning on Saturday, the first day of winter break.

“Alyssa,” Emma muttered, shaking her awake.  “Alyssa, wake up.”

“Emma I swear to god this had better be important,” Alyssa groaned, wrenching her eyes open.

“When do you fly back to Indiana?” she asked.

Alyssa blinked at her.  “This couldn’t wait until three hours from now?”  Emma shook her head. “Monday,” Alyssa yawned. “That was the cheapest flight I could find.  But I still have to pack.”

“You can pack tomorrow, right?”

“I guess.  Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Well I guess that’s up to you,” Emma said.  “I was going to drive into San Francisco and spend the day in the city.  Do you want to come?”

Alyssa stared at her.  “What time are you leaving?”

“Eleven.”

Wordlessly, Alyssa fumbled for her phone, set her alarm to go off in an hour and a half, and showed it to Emma.  “I’ll go with you but  _ please _ , woman, let me sleep.”

“Yes!”  Emma jumped up and pumped her fist in the air, then did a little dance.  “It’s gonna be so much fun, I promise!”

Alyssa just grunted and closed her eyes, dragging a pillow over her face.

Three hours later, Alyssa was finally awake, well-rested and ready for a day out with her roommate.  They walked out to Emma’s truck in the parking lot and climbed in.

“I still can’t believe we haven’t actually gone to San Francisco yet,” Emma said as she started the car.  “It’s right there!”

“Hey, you’re the one with the car.  You could’ve driven us at any time.”  Alyssa buckled her seatbelt stuck her backpack down by her feet.

“Well now there will be Christmas decorations.”

Alyssa chuckled.  “So what did you want to do in the city all day?” she asked.

“I definitely want to check out Amoeba Music!” Emma said excitedly.  “It’s this cool shop that sells used records and CDs and they have a lot of signings and performances there.  It’s really famous! Gran took me to the one in Berkeley and I know there’s another location in San Francisco.  There’s also the piers and a bunch of museums and parks and the Golden Gate Bridge… I figured we could just wing it.  Was there something you want to see?”

“Hm…” Alyssa thought for a moment.  She hadn’t exactly researched things to do in San Francisco, so she had no idea what to expect.  “I don’t know. The Golden Gate Bridge might be cool.”

“Okay, we’ve got Amoeba Music and the Golden Gate Bridge.  That’s all we need for now.”

It took about twenty minutes for them to drive into the city, and another ten minutes for Emma to find a place to park her truck all day for a not outrageous amount of money.  It was cold, but they were planning on walking mostly, so they warmed up pretty quickly.

The city was so hilly that Alyssa was exhausted after only a few minutes of walking, but she didn’t want to stop.  They passed by various shops and restaurants, and the city was so full of life and energy and color, even in the dead of winter.  Everything was decorated in reds and greens and whites for the holidays. What Alyssa noticed the most, though, were the rainbow banners in nearly every window they walked past.

“There’s so many pride flags!” Alyssa said, grinning.

“I know!” Emma exclaimed.  “It’s awesome.”

They trudged up the street until they came across the tiny store with the neon sign that read Amoeba Music.

“It’s much smaller than I expected,” Alyssa mused, but Emma had already grabbed her hand and dragged her inside.

They had to check their bags at the front before they could walk around and explore, but once they did that, it was difficult for Alyssa to keep track of Emma.  She wandered through the shelves, looking at the store’s collection of music, both new and used. Alyssa was really just enjoying watching Emma’s eyes light up whenever she saw something cool as she browsed.

Emma was so focused and in her element that she hardly noticed when Alyssa slipped away from her to the merch area.  She browsed around until she found a t-shirt with the store logo in Emma’s size and immediately purchased it. Emma was going to be so excited.

It took a while for Alyssa to find Emma again.  The store was small, but she wandered far and fast.

“Where’d you go?” Emma asked, without even looking up from the shelf.

Alyssa laughed.  “I didn’t even think you noticed me leave.  You were very focused.’

“I notice you,” Emma muttered.

Alyssa blushed.  “I, uh, got you something.”  She held up the bag and offered it to Emma.

Emma turned around at this.  “You didn’t have to do that.”  She frowned.

“Come on, just think of it as a Christmas present.”

“But I didn’t get you anything!”

“Just take the bag, Emma.”

Emma pouted, but took the bag regardless.  She opened it and pulled out the t-shirt inside, and her face lit up.  “Oh wow! Seriously, you didn’t have to, I was going to buy myself a t-shirt anyway.”

“Well now you don’t have to.”  Alyssa grinned.

Emma wrapped her arms around Alyssa in a quick hug.  “Thank you.” She pulled back and Alyssa wished it had lasted just a second longer.  “I’m getting you something today too,” Emma said as she turned back to the rack of CDs she was browsing.  “Whatever you want!”

Alyssa gazed at the bright smile on Emma’s face and knew exactly what she wanted, but wasn’t sure if it was something she could have.

They didn’t stay at Amoeba for much longer, and as they made their way down the street, Alyssa’s stomach growled.  It was lunchtime.

“Can we get food?”

“Yeah!  What are you in the mood for?  We could go to Chinatown, or they’ve got seafood on the pier, or I heard the pizza here is good too.”

“Seafood sounds good,” Alyssa said with a shrug.

They made their way to Pier 39 and found a stand selling seafood.  The place was crowded with tourists, and worse, seagulls. They each ordered a plate of fish and chips and wandered trying to find a place to sit and eat.

They found an empty bench overlooking the water.  It was cold over here, the wind hitting them directly, but it was the only place that wasn’t overflowing with people.  Emma’s teeth were chattering, so Alyssa scooted a little closer to her on the bench. She was really tempted to put an arm around her to warm her up, but that might have been pushing her luck.

Instead, Alyssa said, “Let’s eat, it’ll warm you up.”

“I’m not c-cold,” Emma grumbled.

Alyssa just shook her head and started munching on her food.

If she had been paying more attention, Alyssa might have noticed the seagull circling their bench and eyeballing the food in their laps while they ate.  Instead, they were caught off guard when, halfway through their meal, the bird popped up and swiped the food from Emma’s lap. It didn’t just grab a couple fries and take off, no, this bird was smarter than that.  The seagull grabbed Emma’s plate and began to fly away, tipping the plate and scattering the contents all over the ground. The moment this happened, a dozen other birds swooped in and pounced on the food.

“Hey!” Emma shouted, kicking at the birds who had stolen her lunch.  They paid her no mind and continued to feast. “Fucking asshole birds!”

Alyssa couldn’t stop laughing.  There were tears in her eyes. She was literally crying because of these dumb, smart birds and the hilariously offended look on Emma’s face.

“It’s not funny!” Emma exclaimed.  “That’s my food!”

Alyssa clutched at her chest as she tried to calm her laughter.  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she wheezed. “But you have to admit it’s a little funny.”

Emma glared at her until Alyssa offered to share her own plate of food.  “Fine,” Emma grumbled. She snatched a french fry and chewed it angrily, glaring at the birds.

“We can get dessert too,” Alyssa suggested.  “If you’re still hungry.”

“I’m okay for now,” Emma sighed, stretching out on the bench.  “And I’m having fun, despite our  _ rude _ interruption.”  She gave another pointed glare to the seagulls.

Alyssa chuckled.  “Me too. Thanks for inviting me out here.”

“It would’ve been way less fun by myself.”

“When do you fly out, anyway?” Alyssa asked, absently munching on a fry.

“I don’t,” Emma muttered.  She looked straight ahead out at the water.

Alyssa frowned.  “What do you mean?”

Emma shrugged.  “I’m just staying here for the holidays.  Flights are expensive and everyone back home hates me, so what’s the point?  Gran’s gonna come out for a few days after the new year, so I’ll still get to see her.”

Alyssa nudged Emma in the side gently.  “Won’t you get lonely?”

“I’m used to it,” Emma brushed off.  “It’ll give me time to play guitar or write some music without bothering anyone.  Catch upon some sleep.”

“Emma…”

“It’s fine!  I’m fine, it was my decision.”

Alyssa watched Emma continue to gaze out at the ocean, the wind tossing her hair back and forth.  She tentatively reached out a hand and placed on top of Emma’s, which caught her attention. Emma turned to Alyssa, a distant look in her eye.  “Well,” Alyssa started. “I’ll really miss you when I’m gone.”

Emma chuckled.  “It’s just a few weeks, I think you’ll survive without me.”

Alyssa’s hand still sat on top of Emma’s, and neither girl tried to move away.  Alyssa noticed Emma glance down at their hands, then back up at her. Her eyes were drawn to Emma’s lips with a small smile.  She noticed Emma’s eyes flit down as well, ever so briefly. Alyssa was too nervous to move or breathe, when--

_ SQUAWK! _

A seagull clutching a rather large piece of fish flew directly over their heads, closely followed by three other birds chasing it.  Emma and Alyssa jumped apart and covered their heads, ducking out of the way, and watched the birds fly off. They shared a look, and laughed.

“Well, should we get going?  We still have a whole city to see!”  Alyssa jumped off the bench and tossed her trash, then offered a hand to Emma to help her up.  Emma took it and hopped up, grinning at Alyssa.

“Let’s go.”

They wandered around the pier for a while, checking out the various tourist traps and shops around.  They passed by the aquarium a few times before deciding to leave that adventure for another day, and instead went to the arcade where Alyssa kicked Emma’s butt in skee ball.  They played games, mostly for the fun of it, and for the competitive spirit, but by the time they were tired of arcade games, they had both accumulated a number of tickets.

They pooled their winnings in the prize corner and walked out with a stuffed panda over which they now had joint custody, and a bag of candy to share.

They went window shopping through various stores on the pier, and the afternoon passed by far too quickly for Alyssa’s liking.  Eventually, they found a shuttle to take them to the Golden Gate Bridge before it got dark..

The place was crowded with tourists snapping pictures, laughing with their families, everyone bumping into each other.  As Alyssa weaved through the crowd, she blindly reached out for Emma’s hand, and when she found it, tugged her along so they wouldn’t get separated.

Despite being a tourist nightmare, the bridge was actually kind of beautiful, from what Alyssa could see over the crowd.  And they had arrived just before sunset, so the colors of the setting sun reflecting off the rough sea and bouncing onto the bridge was, well, breathtaking.

Finally, they squeezed their way to a spot right up against the waist high fence before a cliff that dropped down to the ocean, giving them the perfect view.

“Wow,” Alyssa breathed.

It was freezing, standing here at the edge of the cliff facing the full force of the strong ocean breeze, but boy was that view worth it.  The sun was just beginning to dip below the green hills behind the bridge, casting a soft orange glow on the world that sparkled in the cresting waves below them.  Growing up in Indiana, there weren’t many incredible sights like this to see, no architectural marvels or beautiful oceans. Her family took a trip to Lake Michigan once, when she was eight, but other than that they didn’t stray far from her hometown.  In fact, Alyssa had never even seen the ocean before moving out to the west coast.

The frigid wind hit her face, but Alyssa couldn’t look away.  She knew it wouldn’t do the sight justice, but she pulled out her phone and snapped a few quick pictures to show her mother.

As Alyssa looked at the photos on her phone, she glanced over at Emma who was watching her.

“What?” Alyssa asked.

“Nothing,” Emma said, quickly turning to look out at the bridge.  “Just… admiring the view.” Alyssa blushed.

Emma’s hair was blowing into her face in the wind, and her nose was bright red from the cold.  Alyssa thought she looked adorable. “Come here,” Alyssa said, turning Emma around and pulling the girl into her side.  “Let’s take a picture.”

“Do we have to?” Emma frowned.

“Yes,” Alyssa laughed.  “I won’t force you to smile if you don’t want to.”

Alyssa held up her phone and tilted her head against Emma’s, then snapped a few pictures of them, with the bridge in the background.  In the first picture, Emma predictably glared at Alyssa, but after a couple photos, her face softened into a smile.

After a few photos were snapped, Alyssa looked at them, swiping through each picture, while Emma looked over her shoulder.  Emma shivered, and instinctively wrapped her arms around Alyssa from behind. Alyssa felt her heart beating faster at Emma’s close proximity, pressed against her back for warmth, her chin resting on Alyssa’s shoulder.

Alyssa stopped on the last picture they took.  Alyssa was squinting because her own hair was flying into her face, and Emma had a small smile and a sideways glance at Alyssa next to her, with the bridge at sunset in the background.

“It’s perfect,” Alyssa muttered.  She turned around in Emma’s arms and looked up at her, close enough to see the way the light reflected beautifully in her brown eyes.  “Cold?” Alyssa asked.

Emma nodded.  “Always.”

She glanced down at Emma’s chapped lips and back up to her eyes.  The blush on Emma’s cheeks told Alyssa that she had noticed.

Alyssa found herself bouncing up on her toes and leaning in, and her heart skipped a beat when she noticed Emma leaned in as well.

Alyssa pressed their lips together.  It wasn’t perfect, by any means. A few strands of her hair got caught between their mouths, and both their lips were chapped and dry from the wind, but she was  _ kissing _ Emma and that was all that mattered.

“Wow,” Emma breathed, after their brief kiss ended.

“Was that okay?” Alyssa asked, cheeks heating up under Emma’s gaze.

Emma nodded absently.  “More than okay.”

“Cool.”

Emma brought her hands up to Alyssa’s cheeks and pulled her in for another kiss.

Much later that night, Emma drove them back to campus.  After dinner and dessert, they returned to Emma’s truck, and on the drive, Alyssa dozed off in the passenger seat, holding Emma’s hand over the console.

“You should keep Mr. Panda over break,” she mumbled sleepily.

“Is that his name, Mr. Panda?” Emma asked, chuckling softly, glancing at the stuffed animal that sat in Alyssa’s lap.

“Mhm.”  Alyssa nodded.  “He can keep you company when I’m gone so you’re not so lonely.”

“You’re sweet.”

Emma pulled up into a parking spot back at campus and turned off the engine, but they made no move to leave the car.

Alyssa sat up and turned to her.  “Hey,” she said.

“Yeah?”

This thing with Emma was still so new.  The rest of the night they spent awkwardly fumbling  __ around each other like strangers on a first date, but it was still the best night of Alyssa’s life.  She fumbled for words that would even begin to describe how she felt, and how much this meant to her.

“I’m just really happy,” Alyssa muttered, blushing.  “And I’m happy we’re doing this. And I’m happy that I met you.  And… I don’t know, I’m just. Happy.”

“Hey,” Emma said, leaning in a little closer.  “I’m really happy too.”

Alyssa grabbed Emma by the collar of her shirt and kissed her.

  
  
  


The loud ringing of Emma’s phone woke her with a start early one morning.  She blindly reached out, fumbling for the device on her desk and without even opening her eyes, answered the call, holding the phone up to her ear.

“Hello?” she yawned.

“Emma?”  Alyssa’s voice rang loudly in her ear, and Emma pulled her phone back to look at it, only to realize it was a FaceTime call.  Alyssa’s face looked back at her, and she looked a little dressed up with her hair curled and she had on make-up.

“Alyssa?”  Emma blinked and squinted at the clock on her desk.  “It’s five in the morning, what do you want?”

“Oh, shit, sorry.  I forgot about time zones.”

“Alyssa.”

“I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas,” Alyssa said.  “Sorry, I just got out of church with my mom but I didn’t realize how early it would be there.  I’ll let you get back to sleep. I miss you.”

“Mr. Panda misses you too.”  Emma panned the camera down and lifted the blanket, to reveal the stuffed animal snuggled into her side.  “Merry Christmas, Alyssa.”

“I do have one more question, if you’re awake enough,” Alyssa said.

“Shoot.”

“Do you want to go on a date when I get back?”

Emma blinked in confusion, sitting up a little.  “What?”

“I mean, I realized we never really said what we were doing or where we were going with this and I-- I want to do this right because I like you a lot,” Alyssa said, rambling nervously.  “So, Emma Nolan, will you go on a date with me?”

“Alyssa,” Emma started.  “I would love to go on a date with you.”

“Really?” Alyssa squealed.

“As long as it’s not at five in the morning.”

“Right, got it, sorry,” Alyssa apologized again.  “Go back to sleep. I’ll text you in a few hours. ‘Bye Emma.”

“Bye Alyssa.”

The call ended, and Emma rolled over, hugging her pillow tight, a tired grin on her face.   _ She had a date with Alyssa _ .

It was the best gift she could have hoped for.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Alyssa try to navigate their new relationship while living together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I initially wrote the first part I was not planning on continuing this. But I realized I had kind of rushed the ending and left a lot unresolved, so after a couple requests for a part two, it just felt right. I’ve been working on this in bits and pieces for a few months now and it’s finally finished! It’s mostly fluff.
> 
> CW for canon typical homophobia.

The flight from Indiana to California was long, but the shuttle ride from the airport back to campus felt even longer. Alyssa hadn’t told Emma that she was coming back today. Classes didn’t start for another four days, but Alyssa was tired of her town and sick of her mother’s nagging and judgmental comments every second.  She wanted to get back to school as soon as possible, so she moved up her flight a couple days.

Alyssa rolled her suitcase down the hall toward her room, heart racing. It had been two weeks since she had seen Emma, but she hadn’t gone a day without talking to her, or thinking about her. Alyssa couldn’t help the way her lips turned up into a giddy smile as she walked up to the door and took a deep breath.

There was no reason for Alyssa to be anxious about seeing Emma again. Sure, they hadn’t gone on an actual date yet, and yeah, they were living together and liked each other which might complicate things a bit, but she tried to push those thoughts to the back of her mind and quell the nerves she felt as she unlocked the door and stepped inside their room.

It was like nothing had changed. Everything was exactly where Alyssa had left it, and Emma’s side of the room was just as messy as it had been before. She spotted Mr. Panda sitting on top of Emma’s pillow and her heart surged with affection.

The main thing that drew Alyssa’s gaze was Emma, spinning around in her desk chair as she heard the door and staring in shock when she realized who it was. Her hair had grown a little bit longer over the break, the back tips reaching past the collar of her shirt.  Alyssa knew she would want to get a haircut soon; even a few weeks ago she had been complaining about it getting too long. Her eyebrows were raised, and her hazel eyes were wide in surprise. Her lips parted with a soft gasp, and Alyssa wanted nothing more than to kiss them.

So she did.

Alyssa left the door ajar behind her, let go of the handle of her suitcase, and surged forward, stepping right up to Emma. She grasped Emma’s cheeks gently, tugged her upright from where she sat, and kissed her.

Emma seemed to melt into the kiss. Her arms immediately snaked around Alyssa’s waist, pulling her in so their bodies were just barely pressed together. She sighed against Alyssa’s mouth, and smiled against her lips. Emma’s lips were somehow even more soft than Alyssa remembered. How did she forget how soft they are?  She was only gone for a few weeks.

Alyssa committed the feeling to memory as she leaned back, just barely, so their lips still brushed as she tilted her head to the side and kissed Emma again.

It was soft and brief, but it took Alyssa’s breath away.

She pulled away again, a little further, and saw Emma’s eyes still closed, her lips still half parted, as if waiting for Alyssa to kiss her again. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open. She opened her mouth, searching for words that wouldn’t come, and raised her eyebrows in an unspoken question.

Alyssa pursed her lips and shrugged. “Surprise,” she muttered with a nervous smile.  “I’m back a little early.”

She watched as Emma blinked a few times, then nodded absently, seemingly still a little dazed from the surprise kiss. “Cool,” Emma squeaked.

Alyssa chuckled at the dazed expression on Emma’s face. She leaned in to kiss her again, but was startled by a voice behind her as someone cleared their throat.

Emma jumped backwards, immediately extracting herself from Alyssa’s embrace. Her face flushed bright red and she rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

Alyssa spun around, only to find a familiar older woman leaning against the doorframe, watching the two of them with an amused smirk on her face. Alyssa felt the color drain from her face and a feeling of dread settled in her gut.

“Alyssa, you remember my grandma?” Emma choked out. Betsy walked inside, closing the door behind her. Alyssa felt frozen under her gaze. Betsy was nice, but that was before she had walked in on Alyssa kissing her granddaughter.

Betsy continued to look at her expectantly, until Alyssa cleared her throat and grasped at words. “Mrs. Nolan, hi!” she said, a little too enthusiastically. “Um, it’s so good to see you again!”

“Please, Alyssa, call me Betsy.” Alyssa held her breath as Betsy slowly stepped up to her, eyeing her, until the woman pulled her into a tight hug. “Did you have a nice flight, dear?”

“Um, yeah,” Alyssa said, clearing her throat. “It was fine. There’s a snowstorm back home so it was delayed a few hours.”

“Well I bet you’re hungry,” Betsy grabbed her purse from where it sat on Emma’s desk. “Emma and I were about to grab some dinner. Would you care to join us?”

Alyssa shook her head. “Oh, no, I don’t want to intrude--”

“Please, I insist.  How do you feel about Mexican food?”

Alyssa was too polite to say no under Betsy’s insistence, and that’s how she found herself squished between Betsy and Emma in the probably illegal front middle seat of her truck as Emma drove them to dinner. Everyone was quiet except for the music that played on the radio, and Alyssa had never felt more uncomfortable in her entire life.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Alyssa was able to relax outside the confined space of Emma’s truck. Betsy herself was pleasant, making conversation, asking about school, her mother, holiday break, which Alyssa appreciated. Any mention of seeing their kiss would have been far too mortifying for her to deal with at the moment. Alyssa was just trying to get through the night and stay on Betsy’s good side.

The food itself was delicious, and Betsy insisted on paying no matter how much Alyssa protested. She was able to muddle through the increasingly awkward night until they left the restaurant and Betsy started walking with a limp.

“Oh, Emma, sweetie, my knee isn’t doing so great. Could you bring the truck around while I wait here?” she asked with an air of innocence that Alyssa could see right through. She knew what was coming.

“Sure thing, gran.”

“Alyssa, mind waiting with me?”

There it was. Alyssa held her breath and stood with Betsy as they watched Emma walk down the street to the other end of the parking lot. She knew some sort of interrogation was coming, but she didn’t know what to expect. She didn’t know Betsy that well, only small things she had heard from Emma. If she knew one thing it was that Betsy cared a great deal for her granddaughter.

Betsy cleared her throat, and Alyssa straightened up, giving her full attention. “Don’t hurt her, okay?”  She sounded, less snarky than Alyssa had ever heard her. Her concern for Emma was completely genuine and well meaning.

Alyssa nodded. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

Betsy sighed. “Emma’s the kind of girl who cares so much that she ends up getting her heart broken more often than not. Now that she’s across the country, I can’t be there to look out for her, but I want to make sure someone is.”

Alyssa considered her words carefully. “I care about her a lot. I don’t want you to worry about me, Mrs. Nolan.”

This seemed to ease Betsy’s nerves, just a little. She placed a comforting hand on Alyssa’s shoulder.  “You’re a sweet girl Alyssa, and I trust you.” Then, her grip on Alyssa’s shoulder tightened. “Don’t make me regret that decision.”  Alyssa felt herself pale in fear once again. Betsy Nolan was someone she definitely did not want to cross. “And how many times do I have to tell you, dear? Call me Betsy.”

She glanced to her side to see Betsy’s face in a pleasant, rosy smile, no sign of the mirth from her veiled threat earlier. At that moment, Emma pulled up in her truck none the wiser of the conversation that had just transpired.

Alyssa climbed in first to the middle seat and helped Betsy inside as well. The drive was mostly silent, save for whatever song was playing on the radio. Emma drove to Betsy’s hotel first, to drop her off.

“What time is your flight tomorrow, gran?”

“A little after eight.”

“Ok, I’ll drop you off at the airport after dinner?”

“Sounds perfect. You girls have a good night, okay?” Betsy waved goodbye as she walked away from the car.

“Bye gran! Love you!”

Emma and Alyssa waved back. “Bye Mrs. Nolan,” Alyssa called out, earning a glare from her. “I mean, Betsy!”

Emma chuckled and glanced at Alyssa next to her, still on the middle seat. Alyssa awkwardly shuffled over to the now free passenger seat and buckled her seatbelt. Emma left the car running but didn’t move to drive away as they watched her grandmother disappear into her hotel. Then, when she was gone, Emma turned to Alyssa. “Did my grandma give you the shovel talk?”

“Sort of?” Alyssa shrugged.

“I’m so sorry, she—”

“No, no it was sweet,” Alyssa mused. “She cares about you a lot. And can I just say I am  _ so  _ sorry about earlier, I didn’t realize your grandma was still visiting.”

Emma laughed.  “It’s okay, I forgot for a second too.  But it was nice. I mean— you coming in and— I was really happy to see you.  Am. I am really happy to see you.” Her cheeks tinged pink and it was the cutest thing Alyssa had ever seen. Alyssa still couldn’t believe that she was the one to make Emma flustered and nervous.  The thought made her heart beat a little faster in excitement.

“I’m really happy to see you too,” Alyssa muttered, reaching across the truck for Emma’s hand, bringing it to her lips and kissing it gently. Emma quickly leaned in and kissed her again, and Alyssa let herself relish in the feeling for a brief moment, before she turned her head away. “Wait.”

Emma pouted, and Alyssa gave her one last soft kiss because, well, she couldn’t resist.

“I meant what I said before,” she explained. “I want to do this right. I know I got a little carried away earlier, but I want to take you out on a real date. I know we’re living together so we’re doing everything in the wrong order, but let me try to do this right. Please?”

Emma sighed, “You want to take me out on a date?” Alyssa nodded enthusiastically. “When?”

“How about Saturday? It’s your grandma’s last day tomorrow so you can spend it with her, and then we can have our date before classes start on Monday.”

Emma nodded. “Okay.” She squeezed Alyssa’s hand, then pulled it back to grab the steering wheel. As she pulled out of the hotel’s parking lot, realization crossed her face. “Wait, does this mean I can’t kiss you until our date?” she gasped.

Alyssa frowned and explained her reasoning. “Well, it might be really easy to blur the lines since we’re roommates and I don’t want to do that because I really like you, so I want to wait. Just a little.” She nervously glanced over at Emma, whose eyes were glued to the road ahead of her, but her lips quirked up in a small smile.

“I really like you too.” Alyssa sighed in relief, glad that her strong feelings weren’t just one-sided. She knew Emma liked her but it was still hard to believe, and hearing her say it was exactly what she needed. “So what big plans do you have for our date?”

Alyssa froze. “Uhh, it’s a surprise,” she said quickly.

“A surprise?”

“Yep,” Alyssa nodded. “But it’s going to be awesome. This date is going to blow your mind, Emma Nolan.”

Emma glanced at her again, out of the corner of her eye. “Can’t wait.”

Alyssa had less than two days to think of the perfect date with no car, no ideas, and not a lot of money.  _ Shit. _

 

* * *

 

Emma had grown used to living in mostly solitude for a few weeks. Whether or not it was healthy to isolate herself was another question entirely, but she enjoyed it. With school starting up again soon, it would soon be back to full dorm rooms and communal restrooms and little to no privacy.

Even with Alyssa’s return a little early, Emma still felt like she was alone. After dinner with her grandma, Alyssa was being very distant, tried to avoid the room when Emma was there. Sure, she made casual conversation whenever they were together, but it felt forced and awkward. Maybe Emma was just overthinking things, as usual, but Alyssa was acting weird.

She hoped they were both just nervous about their date.

Speaking of their date, it was almost seven o’clock on Saturday night, and Emma hadn’t seen Alyssa in hours. Their date was supposed to happen any minute. Emma had gotten ready way too early— Alyssa hadn’t told her what they were doing, so she opted for something comfortable but still nice.  She had on dark wash jeans and combat boots. She wore a plaid flannel with the sleeves rolled down and buttoned all the way to the top button. She looked at herself in the mirror and hoped that the outfit and the hair and the little bit of make up she put on was nice enough.

But it was six fifty-nine and Alyssa was nowhere to be found. Emma had texted her half an hour ago, to ask if they were still on for their date. She had responded with a simple  _ yes _ , and absolutely nothing else. Did she forget? Did something happen? Didn’t she need to get ready? Emma was already nervous, and her anxiety was not making her feel any better.

Emma sat at her desk chair, tapping a pen against the wood surface, staring at the clock. She watched as the time turned to seven o’clock, and almost on the dot, there was a knock at the door.

Emma frowned, stood up, and walked over to the door, opening it slowly. To her surprise, she found Alyssa standing there, a single flower clutched in her hand— a lily— and a nervous smile on her face. “Hey,” Alyssa breathed.

“W—what are you doing?” Emma asked, flustered.

“Picking you up for our date.” Alyssa held out the flower. “This is for you.”

Emma was baffled. “Where were— how did you—”

“I got ready at the bathrooms in the gym. I wanted to pick you up, like a real date.”

“This is a real date.”

Alyssa blushed and looked down at her feet. “Sorry, it’s stupid, I thought it would be—”

“No, it’s cute!” Alyssa glanced back up and met Emma’s eyes, smiling.  “Um, thanks for the flower.”

Emma nervously accepted the flower and Alyssa held out her hand, which Emma took and laced their fingers together. “Let’s go.”

Emma couldn’t stop staring at Alyssa at her side.  She always looked beautiful, and she hadn’t even really gotten  _ that _ dressed up for their date. They both had gone for a more cute but casual look, which had Emma relieved. Alyssa wore a dark green turtleneck sweater and jeans, and her hair seemed extra curly today. Emma wanted to run her fingers through it, but resisted the temptation.  _ Maybe later _ , she thought.

“Do you need me to drive?” Emma asked, eyeing her truck as they walked past the parking lot.

Alyssa shook her head. “No, it’s not too far. Unless you don’t want to walk?”

Emma looked up at the sky. The sun had already set. It was a little cold, and there was a slight breeze, but Emma had come prepared with a jacket tonight. Alyssa’s hand was warm inside hers and she didn’t want to let go. She turned her head back to Alyssa, looking up at her with her dark brown eyes that Emma felt she could easily lose herself in. “It’s a beautiful night for a walk.”

They strolled across campus, hands joined between them swinging gently back and forth and eventually made their way off campus onto the busier public streets.

“Where are you taking me, anyway?”

“You’ll see,” Alyssa muttered. “We’re almost there.”

They rounded a corner and Alyssa dragged her down to the middle of the block, up to this quaint looking little cafe. Alyssa stepped in front of her and held open the door for Emma.

“After you.”

Emma stepped inside and looked around at the chill ambience in the cafe. The lighting was dim and the furniture was a little rustic. There were various tables and chairs filled with people, working in isolation or crowded around small tables, chatting away. There was a tree inside, in a large pot by the door, and vines growing along the back wall. What caught Emma’s attention, though, was the stage on one side of the cafe where a few people were setting up instruments and sound equipment.

“What is this place?” Emma asked as she turned to Alyssa who walked in after her.

“Just a little cafe I found online,” Alyssa said as they walked inside and searched for a table. “I saw that they do live music so I thought you’d find that cool, I guess.”

“Alyssa, this is awesome!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes!”

“They do this open mic night on Wednesdays too, if you ever wanted to perform,” Alyssa suggested.

Emma shook her head and laughed. “Oh no, I’m nowhere near ready for anything like that.”

“I’ve only heard you play a few times, but you’re really good!”

“You’re just biased.”

“Maybe I am,” Alyssa quipped, sticking her tongue out at Emma.

Alyssa spotted a small table in the corner that was unclaimed, so she grabbed Emma’s hand and squeezed through the crowd to settle down there. Emma set her flower on the table as she sat down. By the time they ordered and their food was brought out to them, the night’s performers had finished setting up and had started to play.

It was a duo, with a young woman on the ukulele and singing, and a man on the piano. Their music had a very chill, indie vibe, and it seemed like exactly the type of music one would expect to hear at a hipster cafe in Berkeley, but Emma loved every second of it, and Alyssa seemed to be enjoying it too. Alyssa moved her chair to the other side of the table so she could sit next to Emma while they ate and watch the performance.

They spent the night chatting and catching up with each other after winter break and listening to the relaxing music, applauding whenever a song was finished.

Emma and Alyssa decided to split a slice of chocolate cream pie for dessert. As soon as the plate arrived at their table with two forks, they both immediately went in to take a bite.

“Oh my god,” Alyssa moaned. “This is delicious.”

“So chocolatey,” Emma agreed, mouth still full of pie. She looked over at Alyssa and pointed to her nose. “You’ve got a little something…”

Alyssa blushed. “Oh shoot.” She wiped at her nose, but Emma shook her head.

“Here, I’ve got it.”

Emma did her best to hide her smile as she took a dollop of cream on her finger and quickly smeared it over Alyssa’s nose, then giggled mischievously.

Alyssa gasped. “You butthole!”

Emma forced down her laughter and faked an innocent grin that she knew Alyssa could see right through. Alyssa glared for a moment, but then her gaze softened and she bit her lip, leaning in. Emma’s heart started to thump wildly in her chest as her eyes fluttered closed and leaned in to meet Alyssa halfway— but at the last moment, Alyssa’s nose rubbed against her cheek, wiping the rest of the cream all over Emma’s face.

Emma laughed. “Okay, I deserved that.”

Alyssa wiped off her own nose and handed a napkin to Emma. “Did I get everything?” she asked.

“Actually, you’ve got a little—”

“I am  _ not _ falling for that again!” Alyssa laughed. The sound was even more beautiful than any of the music they had heard all night.

Long after their plates were cleaned and the band left the stage, Emma and Alyssa stayed in their seats, talking for hours. They didn’t even realize how long at had been until they noticed that the crowd in the cafe had depleted and there were only a handful of other people still lingering.

“Should we get back?” Alyssa asked as she glanced around them. “I think they’re closing soon.”

“I guess,” Emma sighed.

“What?”

“I don’t want this to end,” Emma confessed. “I’m having a lot of fun.”

“Well, lucky for you I happen to live really close to your room so I can totally stay with you even later. We could watch a movie or something.”

“I don’t know, I’ll have to check with my roommate. She’s kind of uptight.”

“Jerk.” Alyssa’s tone was playful, and as she stood up, she held out a hand and wiggled her fingers. Emma happily slipped her hand into Alyssa’s and let herself be tugged out of the building and onto the street.

As soon as they stepped outside, the winter chill was overwhelming, but Emma already had her jacket on, so it’s not like she wanted to put on even more layers. A moment later, her hand was empty and cold as Alyssa had let go, but before she could complain, Alyssa’s arm wrapped around her waist and tugged her in close. Emma bit back the giddy grin on her cheeks as she fit herself into Alyssa’s side, throwing an arm over her shoulder and holding her.

Emma couldn’t believe how easy it was, being with Alyssa. It’s not like she had many friends or relationships before to compare, but talking to Alyssa was always so effortless, and holding her hand was second nature, and just being in her arms felt so easy and familiar. It felt like she had known Alyssa for years rather than months.

“I had a really nice time tonight,” Emma muttered as they walked through campus, slowly approaching their residence hall.

“I’m glad.” Alyssa bumped her hip gently against Emma’s, and Emma blushed. “Maybe we could do this again sometime.”

“Maybe.”

As they walked inside and out of the wind, the chill disappeared, but neither one moved away until they arrived at their door. Alyssa stepped back to face Emma, a smile on her lips.

“Is this the part where you pretend to drop me off?” Emma asked.

“Shut up.” Alyssa’s cheeks flushed and she looked down.

“Hey,” Emma squeezed her hand and Alyssa met her eyes again. “This was really sweet. And you are… really cute.” She felt her cheeks heat up, but she didn’t waver.

Alyssa bit her lip as her dark eyes glanced up into Emma’s. “Can I kiss you?”

Emma didn’t trust her voice to say something not stupid, so instead she just nodded enthusiastically and leaned down as Alyssa met her halfway. Their lips pressed together and Emma froze for a moment. Sure, they had kissed before, but something about kissing a beautiful girl after a perfect first date made Emma feel like a giddy teenager. It was the kind of thing she always daydreamed about in high school with no hope of it ever actually happening in her tiny homophobic town. Now the most beautiful girl she had ever known was here, kissing her, and Emma didn’t know what to do with herself.

She felt Alyssa’s arms circle around her waist, bumping their chests closer together. Emma overcame her hesitation and brought a hand up to Alyssa’s cheek, brushing against the soft skin before reaching back to tangle her fingers in Alyssa’s curls.

After a moment, Alyssa leaned away, and while Emma wished they could keep kissing, she was content. Alyssa tilted her head toward the door and muttered, “Movie time?”

“Hell yeah.”

They headed inside and as they changed into pajamas, Emma did her best to quell her anxiety. She didn’t try to sneak any glances at Alyssa changing; even though she had seen Alyssa undress before, it felt disrespectful after a date. Emma knew that nothing more than kissing would happen tonight, and she was perfectly fine with that, but she couldn’t seem to get her heartbeat to slow, and her lips still tingled where Alyssa had kissed her earlier.

They settled into Emma’s bed, leaning their backs against the wall and legs stretched out in front of them. Once they decided to watch  _ Imagine Me & You _ , Emma pulled up the movie on her laptop, set it in front of them, and draped her arm over Alyssa’s shoulder, who easily leaned into her side.

Emma didn’t think she would be able to relax with Alyssa pressed into her side, practically tangled together so no one would fall off the tiny twin size bed. But Alyssa turned her head and placed her lips against Emma’s cheek, and Emma’s heart soared. Emma had seen the movie countless times before, and Alyssa had mentioned she had watched it once before, so it was safe to assume neither of them paid much attention.

Emma focused more on the warmth that Alyssa radiated, and her soft curls that brushed against her arm whenever she tilted her head, and the hand that rested comfortably on her leg.

Emma wasn’t planning on falling asleep, but as the movie went on, she grew more and more comfortable, and the pair slunk down further and further into the bed until they were laying down. In Emma’s half-asleep brain, the last thing she remembered was Alyssa kissing the top of her head and removing her glasses, and Emma thought she could easily get used to this.

 

* * *

 

Alyssa paced back and forth in the hallway in front of the office, willing herself the courage to continue. Other students passed by and gave her strange looks, probably thinking she was crazy, but Alyssa didn’t even notice. Her hand shook as she eventually raised her fist to knock on the door in front of her. She took a deep breath, swallowed her nerves, and rapped against the door twice.

“Come in.”

Alyssa turned the handle and pushed the door open to find a man with dark skin and graying black hair sitting at a desk, looking over papers.

“Hi, Professor Hawkins? I’m Alyssa Greene, we have an appointment.”

“Oh, yes, please sit.” Professor Hawkins shuffled some papers out of the way and then diverted his full attention to Alyssa. “What can I do for you?”

Alyssa sat down across from him and set her backpack down on the floor. She thrummed her fingers nervously on the desk in front of her and pursed her lips, unsure of how to start this conversation. “Well, you’re my faculty advisor. And I guess I need some… advising?”

He nodded and began to type away at his keyboard and clicked something on the computer. “Of course. Do you need to get off the waitlist for a class, or need a credit waived?”

“No, no, it’s a little… more than that.” Professor Hawkins raised an eyebrow. Alyssa took a deep breath. This was the first step in being her own person, and not just the wax figure that her mother had meticulously sculpted. His eyes were kind and made Alyssa feel comfortable, and she found herself blurting out the words she needed to say. “Um, I kind of hate pre law and I want to switch to something else, but I have  _ no idea _ what to do.”

There was a moment’s pause where all Alyssa could hear was her heartbeat pounding in her chest, and her mother’s nagging voice at the back of her mind telling her that she’s throwing her life away and that she’ll never amount to anything if she doesn’t work hard and plan for the future. She felt like she was about to panic or throw up, but then Professor Hawkins’ mouth turned to a reassuring smile and he let out a soft chuckle.

“Of course. Happens all the time with first year students.”

Alyssa’s eyes grew wide in surprise. “Really?”

Professor Hawkins nodded. “You’re all so young and trying to figure out what to do with your life. It happens more often than you’d think. I’ve already helped four other students in pre law alone change majors this semester.”

Alyssa sighed. “Wow. That’s good to know.”

“So, let’s figure this out for you, shall we?”

“Okay.” As relief washed through Alyssa, she grabbed a notebook and a pen from her backpack, ready to figure out what the hell she was going to do with her life.

An hour later, Alyssa walked back to her dorm room with the beginnings of a plan and feeling a little more confident than she had before her meeting with Professor Hawkins. She checked the time on her phone, and knowing that Emma would be home from class, she grew even more excited to share her joy.

Alyssa unlocked the door and stepped into her room. “Emma,” she called out, closing the door behind her. “I have news!”

“What’s up?” Emma turned around and Alyssa suddenly forgot everything she had been about to tell her.

Emma looked like she was getting ready to go out tonight, but was taking a break to play guitar. She wore dark blue slacks and a nice white button up tucked in, with a matching dark blue suit jacket over her shoulders. There was a tie draped around her neck, but it was untied. She sat upright and set aside her guitar.

In short, Emma looked  _ hot _ . Alyssa felt her cheeks heat up and her throat was suddenly very, very dry. She either needed water, or to kiss Emma immediately, and her body couldn’t decide which was more important so instead she stood frozen in the doorway, gaping like a total idiot as she checked out her girlfriend.

“Um,” Alyssa choked out. “Wow.”

“You okay?” Emma asked. She raised her eyebrows in concern at Alyssa’s lack of response.

She tried to say yes, but all that would come out was a noncommittal squeak. Alyssa cleared her throat and shook her head, trying to clear the fog that clouded the language receptors in her brain, finally willing herself to say more than one syllable. “You look… amazing.”

_ “Oh!” _ Emma blushed as she realized that her own appearance was what had Alyssa stunned. The pink tinge on her cheeks and embarrassed smile just made Alyssa swoon even more than she already had been.

“What’s the occasion?” Alyssa asked.

“My music genre class is going on a trip to the symphony tonight. The professor, uh, told us to dress up a little.”

“Remind me to thank your professor,” Alyssa mused, raking her eyes down Emma’s body one more time.

Emma chuckled awkwardly. “So, uh, what did you want to tell me?”

“What?” Alyssa asked, confused as she met Emma’s eyes again.

“You… wanted to tell me something.”

“I did?” Alyssa blinked. Man, maybe that fog was still clouding her brain. Maybe if she just didn’t look at Emma she’d be able to think clearly, but Alyssa couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away. “I guess I was distracted and… forgot.” Alyssa bit her lip and watched as Emma’s cheeks turned beet red.

She would never grow tired of making Emma blush.

Alyssa meandered over to her desk where she set down her backpack and the papers she was holding— and seeing the paperwork was what reminded her. She spun around to face Emma again. “Oh! I’m changing my major!”

Emma’s face lit up. “You are?”

“Yeah, I was just at a meeting with my faculty advisor and he helped me figure everything out. Well, at least, I started to figure everything out. I still have to get the approval of, like, two professors and the head of the department and then submit the paperwork and then it takes two to four weeks to process, but  _ then _ I will no longer be in pre-law hell.”

Emma stared at her. “Well, are you just gonna leave me hanging? What are you changing to?”

“Psychology!”

Finally, Emma crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Alyssa in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you,” she muttered, then pulled back, still holding her close. “Do you know what you want to do?”

Alyssa shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m still figuring that part out, but I was thinking like a youth therapist or a guidance counselor or something? I just— I liked my psych class and I wish I had had some guidance or support when I was in high school, so… I don’t know. I want to help kids who are in the same situation. In the closet, or strict parents, or anything else. I don’t really know how to go about doing that, but this is the first step I guess.”

“Yeah it is!” Emma sighed and looked at her watch with a frown. “I wish I could stay here and celebrate with you, but attendance at this stupid symphony counts for our participation grade. I guess I should finish getting ready.” She grumbled as she turned around to return her guitar to its stand.

“What were you playing?” Alyssa asked, curious.

“Just something I’ve been working on,” Emma muttered dismissively. She stepped back and tied her tie in a sloppy, but effective knot, then sat down to slip on her shoes.

“Can I hear it?”

Emma looked down, blushing. “Maybe when it’s done.”

When she stood up again, Alyssa’s brain stopped working for a moment upon seeing Emma’s complete ensemble.

“I have to go,” Emma said, shoving her phone and her wallet into her pockets, “but when I get back I am coming with ice cream or popcorn or candy or whatever else you want and we will celebrate properly.”

She marched toward the door, and Alyssa was not sure what came over her, but she called out to Emma one last time. “Wait! You forgot something.”

Emma spun around, confused, checking her pockets for everything she needed, and Alyssa took the opportunity to wrap her fingers around Emma’s tie and pulled her in for a kiss.

They had only been dating a couple weeks and Alyssa always tried her best to be respectful. As much as she wanted to kiss Emma  _ all the time _ she tried to only do it when they were on dates, or hanging out outside of their room. She didn’t want to cross any lines or make Emma uncomfortable when they were living together, and in her defense, they had both been pretty busy the first few weeks of school and had only gotten the chance to go on two more dates since their first.

But Alyssa couldn’t help herself as she tightened her grip on Emma’s tie and brought her other hand up to tangle fingers in her short, blonde curls, as Emma recovered from the surprise and her lips slowly parted, moving against Alyssa’s firmly.

Alyssa tentatively brushed her tongue against Emma’s lips, and when her mouth fell open in a gasp, she slipped it inside, relishing in the feeling of Emma’s tongue against her own, her teeth scraping lightly.

Emma had just brushed her teeth so the taste of spearmint was strong, but there was also the familiar warmth that Alyssa couldn’t place as anything other than just Emma. It was intoxicating.

Emma’s arms wrapped around her waist, a hand at the small of her back that slowly slid lower until the tips of her fingers lightly brushed over Alyssa’s ass.

And Alyssa exerted the last ounce of self control she had to pull back from the kiss.

She opened her eyes to see Emma chasing after her lips, eyes still shut tight. Alyssa chuckled and placed a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth before Emma’s eyes fluttered open once again.

“Uh,” Emma breathed. “Wow.”

Not breaking eye contact, Alyssa reached behind Emma to where she had spotted Emma’s key card on the bookshelf, held it up, and slipped it into Emma’s chest pocket. “You forgot your key card.”

Emma cleared her throat. “Thanks.” Her cheeks were flushed and her breath was short and her pupils were dark. Alyssa bit her lip, and gently pushed Emma toward the door before she lost her restraint and kissed her again.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Um, bye Alyssa.”

As the door closed behind Emma, Alyssa let out a sigh. She flopped onto her bed and sprawled out on her back, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. For the first time in her life, she felt content. She was figuring out what she wanted to do, she wasn’t worried about disappointing her mother, and she had a super hot girlfriend. Her life was starting to shape up into something not-terrible, and the only thing she felt was relief.

And then her phone rang.

Alyssa was expecting the worst— her mother. But when she looked at the screen of her phone, she was surprised to find it was actually her friend from high school, Kaylee, who was calling. Alyssa hadn’t seen her friends from high school since the end of summer, before she left for California. They would text occasionally, and had tried to meet up for lunch over winter break, but Alyssa was so busy with her family and left early that they didn’t get a chance. They hadn’t even texted in a few weeks.

Why on earth was Kaylee calling her out of the blue?

Alyssa answered the call. “Hello?”

“When’s your spring break?”

“Um, what?” Alyssa blinked.

“I mean hi, I miss you, blah blah blah. When’s your spring break? Shelbs and I wanted to come visit!” Kaylee said excitedly.

“You know I’m spending Easter with my mom, right?” Alyssa said.

“I know but that’s just like, one day. You don’t have to be there the whole week.”

Actually, Alyssa had already been planning on cutting her trip home short so she could spend half of it with her mother and half of it with Emma, but she didn’t want to tell Kaylee that.

Kaylee seemed to notice her hesitation. “Look, Shelby and I wanted to visit San Fran anyway, and it’s been forever since we hung out! We’re not asking to stay with you, we just want to see you.” When Alyssa hesitated again, Kaylee tacked on an additional, “ _ Pleeeaaase _ ?”

Alyssa laughed. She did miss her friends, she would admit that to herself. And who knows, maybe college would have helped them to be a little more open-minded than they were in high school. “Okay! Okay, yes. It’ll be good to see you guys. I’m off the week before Easter, but I’m planning on flying out to Indiana on Thursday.”

“ _ Yes _ !” Kaylee squealed. “Shelby’s gonna be so excited, I’ll let her know as soon as she’s back from class.”

“Tell Shelby I said hi,” Alyssa said. “How’s living with your best friend?”

“It’s  _ awesome _ !” Kaylee exclaimed. “I know people say not to room with your friends in college but we’ve had, like, no problems and we’re closer than ever now. How’s your roommate? You just got paired up with a total stranger, right?”

“Oh, yeah she— she’s cool.” Alyssa stuttered, unsure of how much she could safely reveal. “Um, her name’s Emma.” Alyssa thought about her tongue in Emma’s mouth just a few minutes ago. “We’re also very close.”

“Awesome! Well I can’t wait to meet her. I gotta finish up this assignment before I submit it, but I’ll text you! See ya next month!”

“Bye Kaylee.”

The line clicked and Alyssa dropped her phone onto her bed.  _ Great _ . As soon as she starts to finally figure out who she wants to be, a visit from her best friends would probably drag her a few steps backwards.

 

* * *

 

Emma wasn’t sure why Alyssa was always so tentative about showing affection when they were in private. They were dating, so why shouldn’t they kiss or cuddle whenever they wanted to?

At least, she didn’t get it until after they crossed that line when Alyssa pulled her in by the tie (Emma still grew flustered just thinking about it) and kissed her until she couldn’t breathe or think. Now, the lines were blurred.

Doing homework often led to making out with Alyssa as she straddled Emma on her desk chair. Getting dressed every day took twice as long because it led to Alyssa’s warm, soft hands on the bare skin of her back, of her stomach, tickling her sides, distracting her as Emma just tried to get a shirt on before heading to class. And most every night when no one was kept up late finishing an assignment, Emma ended up falling asleep in Alyssa’s arms, crammed together on one of their tiny twin sized beds.

Emma’s back was pressed against the door as it closed behind them the moment they got home from their date on Saturday night. Alyssa’s hands were on her chest, pressing her against the solid wood surface, as she sucked on Emma’s bottom lip. Emma’s hands grasped into Alyssa’s hair, holding her closer. Alyssa’s lips tasted like heaven and even the light touch of her hands over Emma’s shirt set her on fire.

She didn’t think she could take anymore, but then Alyssa’s thigh slipped between her legs and pressed against her. Emma had no control of the desperate moan that fell from her lips.

Emma froze, cheeks blushing furiously in embarrassment. “Sorry,” she muttered.

“Don’t be,” Alyssa said, pressing a reassuring kiss to her lips. “But we should probably slow down.”

Emma nodded absently, still staring at Alyssa’s lips. “Probably,” she sighed. “Doesn’t mean I want to.”

“Me either,” Alyssa breathed. Her eyes were dark, and her hair was mussed, and her lips were red and plump from the kisses they traded, and Emma wanted nothing more than to kiss her again. Unfortunately, Alyssa slowly extracted herself from Emma’s embrace and went to take off her shoes and sit down. “I told you my friends are coming to visit tomorrow, right?” she asked. Emma nodded. “I just don’t want us to get carried away and they arrive when we’re not expecting them. And Kaylee always says she can tell when two people have had sex and like, I don’t  _ think _ I believe her but I also don’t really want to roll those dice.”

Emma cheeks turned beet red at the implication that Alyssa wanted to have sex with her. Sure, they had talked about it a little before, and things were  _ definitely _ leading there, but something about hearing it out loud turned Emma into a flustered mess. She forced out a laugh, slicking back her own hair with her fingers. “Yeah, that makes sense. You said they’re kind of homophobic?”

Alyssa frowned. “I don’t know if I would call them homophobic. Just… ignorant, maybe? I’m hoping that they’re a little more open minded than the last time I saw them, but no guarantees.”

“Are they anything like your mother?”

“Oh god, no,” Alyssa laughed. “I don’t think anyone is as bad as my mother. But don’t worry, babe. If things get bad I’ll protect you.”

“My hero,” Emma joked. “So what are the plans for tomorrow?”

“Their flight is in the morning and they’re gonna come by after they check into their hotel. We’ll probably grab lunch, maybe see some sights. I know they want to meet you, so they’ll probably invite you to come with, but you don’t have to.”

“And miss out on any potentially embarrassing stories of Alyssa Greene as a child? No thanks.”

Alyssa glared at her. “Anyway, I’m sorry they kind of hijacked our spring break. I know you wanted to go to the aquarium.”

“It’s okay,” Emma shrugged. “The aquarium will always be there. As long as I get to spend time with you, I’m happy.”

Alyssa sighed blissfully and took Emma’s hands to pull her in for another lingering kiss. “You’re so good to me,” she muttered against Emma’s lips.

Emma wasn’t sure what to expect of Alyssa’s friends from high school, but what Kaylee and Shelby were definitely wasn’t it.

Alyssa had always talked about them by putting a bit of distance between herself and her friends. She claimed they weren’t close, that she didn’t have a lot in common, that they could be judgmental and rude, but they were her best friends growing up so she put up with them. And maybe Emma could see some of those lingering qualities, but upon first meeting, they were so different from how Alyssa described them.

Kaylee was the exact definition of a bubbly personality. She rapped excitedly on their door, and the moment Alyssa opened it, she burst through and wrapped Alyssa up in a tight hug, squealing in excitement. “Oh my god, Lys! I’ve missed you!”

Shelby seemed a bit more reserved than Kaylee was, but honestly that wasn’t saying much. She had a wide grin on her face as she followed Kaylee inside and crossed her arms as she waited for Kaylee to end her bouncing hug with Alyssa before she embraced her.

“Good to see you, Greene!” she said, her hug much quicker than Kaylee’s. “It’s like you fell off the face of the earth once you moved to California.”

“Sorry,” Alyssa said as she nervously rubbed at the back of her neck. “I’ve been busy. College and stuff, you know how it is.”

Emma didn’t want to draw attention to herself, but she felt awkward standing back and watching the reunion between friends. Thankfully, Kaylee saw her lingering and also pulled Emma into a tight hug. “You must be the roommate!”

Emma cleared her throat, awkwardly letting Kaylee hug her. “Yep,” she said. “I’m Emma.”

“Alyssa has told us a lot about you,” Shelby chimed in.

“Really?”

“Yeah, she says you guys are really close.”

“I guess that happens when you’re roommates with someone,” Kaylee added, sending a wink toward Shelby.

Huh. That was interesting.

But before Emma could linger on that thought very long, Kaylee was dragging her out the door. “You  _ have _ to join us for lunch, it’ll be so much fun!”

“I’d love to,” Emma said.

There was something about Kaylee and Shelby that Emma kept noticing. Lingering glances, shared smiles, holding hands. Sure, it was things that best friends would do all the time, at least, as far as Emma knew, but with the two of them it seemed like something more than that. She wasn’t sure if Alyssa was picking up on it too, but Alyssa did know them better.

They were on their way back to Emma and Alyssa’s room after a day out on the town, when Kaylee insisted they stop at the store really quickly. When Alyssa asked why, Kaylee opened her wallet and pulled out a fake ID that listed her age as twenty five.

“What the hell, Kaylee?” Alyssa gasped.

“What?” she said. “If we’re hanging out tonight I thought it’d be fun to grab some alcohol! My treat.”

“I am not going in with you when you’re using that!”

“Don’t be a buzzkill, Alyssa, it’s just a fake ID. Everyone has them.”

“It’s also super illegal!”

Emma couldn’t help but laugh at how flustered Alyssa was getting. She knew her girlfriend pretty well, and it made sense. She was raised to believe that doing everything by the book was the right way, even a handful of underage college students drinking a little alcohol was perfectly harmless.

“Kaylee, we can just go in and grab some stuff,” Shelby said. “Alyssa can wait outside. Emma, do you want to join us?”

“Nah, I’ll stay out here with Alyssa,” she said. “Thanks, though.”

As soon as they disappeared inside, Alyssa turned to her. “How are you so calm about this?” she hissed.

“Hey, it’s just a fake ID,” Emma said, rubbing her girlfriends arms reassuringly. “It’s not a big deal. We’ll just wait here and it’s no problem.” Alyssa pouted. “Do you think you’re just worried about spending time with them?”

Alyssa shrugged. “Maybe. They seem different, I just don’t know what it is.”

Emma hesitated. “About that,” she started. “Do you think they might be… I don’t know, together?”

Alyssa’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Together?”

“Like us.”

Her eyes widened.  _ “Oh.” _

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just a vibe I’m getting. You know them better than me, though.”

Alyssa frowned as she looked over at the store where they disappeared, thinking back on their day together. “I don’t think so. They’ve just always been like that.”

Emma squeezed her hand. “Okay, whatever you say.”

If her first experience of Kaylee and Shelby was interesting, Kaylee and Shelby drunk was a whole different experience. They put on Easy A, one of their favorite movies as kids, but it turned more into background noise as the three friends sipped at their rum and coke drinks, getting increasingly intoxicated. Emma would have felt left out, but she was more of a wallflower at heart, and she was really enjoying watching Alyssa catch up with her friends.

And Shelby was living up to Emma’s hope for embarrassing stories about Alyssa.

“Picture this, Emma,” Shelby regaled. “Chemistry class, sophomore year of high school. Alyssa was my lab partner and to this day I still have  _ no fucking clue _ how she managed it—”

“God, Shelby, not this one!” Alyssa groaned. She buried her face in her pillow and leaned into Emma’s side.

“You’re not living this one down, Greene. All we were supposed to be doing was make some peanut brittle to learn about chemical reactions or some shit. I look away for two seconds to write some notes and somehow little miss perfect over here manages to make our peanut brittle explode!”

Emma did an honest to god spit take, spraying a mouthful of rum and coke all over the floor of their room. “You  _ blew up _ peanut brittle?! How?”

_ “I don’t know!” _

“That’s pretty badass, Alyssa,” she laughed.

“I never did manage to get the smell of peanuts out of that outfit…” Shelby mused.

“She tells that story all the time,” Kaylee said, wrapping an arm around Shelby, looking at her affectionately. Even though Alyssa insisted they couldn’t be together, Emma’s suspicions were not quelled. “There’s a whole bunch of people at Indiana State that now know you as the peanut brittle girl.”

“Oh god, remind me to never go visit you guys at school,” Alyssa muttered as she took another drink. Kaylee pressed an affectionate kiss to Shelby’s cheek. At this, Alyssa met Emma’s eyes and gave her a confused look. Maybe now she was suspicious too. “Uh, guys?”

Kaylee froze in place and her eyes grew wide.

“Babe, we haven’t told her yet,” Shelby whispered.

Alyssa gaped at them. “Are you two… together?”

“Define ‘together’,” Kaylee said.

At the same time, Shelby replied, “Yeah.” Kaylee glared at her. “What? We were going to tell her.”

“But you— I thought you guys were— I just didn’t expect—“ Alyssa sputtered.

“Yeah, we were kind of assholes in high school,” Kaylee admitted. “Sorry. I blame my parents and that fucking town.”

It seemed as though Alyssa couldn’t even understand what she was saying. Alyssa was still gaping at them, shocked and confused, looking back and forth between Kaylee and Shelby. “But I— I don’t understand. You— how did this happen?”

Shelby cleared her throat. “Well, Alyssa, when two people like each other very much—“

“I’ll kill you, Gonzales.”

Emma snorted. Shelby sent her an amused smirk before she continued. “In all seriousness, I kind of had feelings for Kaylee for a while. Like. Back in high school, a while. But I guess I just pushed them so far down because I didn’t want to think about what that meant.”

“And after Nick and I broke up, Shelby and I were living together and we were already so close and she was there for me and I guess I just… started to see her differently than I had before,” Kaylee added as she absently shrugged. “Taking that step was just easy. It made sense.”

“Well,” Alyssa started, still trying to find her words along the way, “I’m really happy for you guys. Honestly. I’m just. Confused.” She let out a long breath then turned to Emma. “How did  _ you  _ figure it out?”

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know, they just seemed… I mean, they sort of reminded me of…” She trailed off.  _ They reminded me of us, _ was what she wanted to say, but she definitely didn’t want to accidentally out Alyssa to her friends. Emma reaches for her water bottle, figuring she probably shouldn’t drink anymore just to make sure she wouldn’t say anything she shouldn’t.

Alyssa, however, seemed to know exactly what Emma was thinking. “...of us,” she finished, not even realizing what she was saying until after the words had already left her lips.

Immediately, she brought a hand up to cover her mouth, turning red. Shelby raised an eyebrow at her, but Kaylee let out an audible gasp. “No fucking way! You two? I never would’ve called it! And I have a really good eye for that sort of thing.”

For a moment, Emma wasn’t sure how Alyssa was going to react, if she would panic or just roll with it. She had been hesitant to even hang out with Kaylee and Shelby, and now she had accidentally come out to them.

After a brief pause, Alyssa let out a sharp laugh. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag,” she said, through a fit of giggles. “I’m gay! And I’m dating Emma!”

All of a sudden, Kaylee also started giggling uncontrollably. “Is that— is that what you meant when you said you and Emma were  _ really close?” _ Kaylee asked.

Their giggles died down for a moment, they looked at each other and burst into laughter again. As Alyssa fell into Kaylee’s lap, she was unable to stop her laughter. The two were suddenly off in their own little world, laughing and chatting about nothing in particular. Emma turned to Shelby who had an eyebrow raised, but an endearing smile on her face as she watched the two interact. “I guess those two can’t hold their liquor very well,” she said, pulling the bottle of rum away from Kaylee’s side. “Maybe we should cut them off.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Emma chuckled.

“You know, she’s seemed a lot happier lately, a lot more herself. It’s like she’s a whole different person than she was in high school,” Shelby mused. “I’m sure you’ve had something to do with that.”

Emma blushed, unsure of what to say. “She’s kind of amazing all on her own.”

“I’m probably part of the reason she didn’t want to come out in high school. I kind of suspected and I didn’t make things easy on her. I think I was deflecting my own insecurities onto her, but I still feel awful.”

“Well, you’re trying to make up for it now,” Emma shrugged. “That counts for something, and I think Alyssa really appreciates it.”

Emma glanced over at her girlfriend, who was starting to fall asleep, sprawled across Kaylee’s lap. Her lips turned up in an amused smile as she got out her phone and snapped a quick picture.

“Please send that to me,” Shelby said. She reached out for Emma’s phone and put her own number in as a new contact.

Emma hadn’t expected to get along so well with Alyssa’s old friends, but she really liked Kaylee and Shelby, and she was glad they were in town for a few more days. Maybe there were more good people in Indiana than she thought.

 

* * *

 

“Am I forgetting anything?”

Alyssa set down her suitcase on the floor and threw it open, but Emma crouched down next to her and grabbed her hands. Alyssa didn’t even realize her hands were shaking until Emma held them, calming her down.

“Baby, you’ve checked your suitcase like five times. I think you’re just avoiding the inevitable at this point. If you don’t leave soon you’ll miss your flight.”

Alyssa frowned. “Would that really be such a bad thing?”

Emma hummed in thought. “Depends on if you’d rather face your mom in person or face her wrath for not going home for Easter.” Alyssa paled in fear. Neither option was ideal. “Besides, flights are expensive.”

Alyssa let out a long sigh that eventually devolved into a frustrated groan. “You’re right.”

“Come on, I’ll drive you.”

Emma grabbed Alyssa’s carry on backpack and slung it over her shoulder. Then she grabbed her car keys in one hand, and Alyssa’s hand in the other. Reluctantly, Alyssa took her suitcase and followed Emma out the door and down to the parking lot.

She helped Emma throw her stuff in the back, then climbed into the passenger seat, pouting. Emma climbed in on the driver’s side soon after her, and she expected the car to start, but instead, she felt Emma’s lips against hers in a quick kiss. Alyssa gasped and turned to look at her.

“Don’t be sad,” Emma said, blushing. “I don’t like seeing you sad.”

At that, Alyssa couldn’t keep the frown any longer. Her lips turned up into a bashful smile as her cheeks flushed. “How can I be sad when I’m dating the most incredible girl in the world?”

Emma turned her key to start the engine of her truck, then reached out for Alyssa’s hand, tangling their fingers together. “I know it’ll suck, but you’re gonna get through these next few days. I promise.”

Alyssa’s heart felt full, and a little thought crept up at the back of her mind. She quickly swallowed the words down before she made a fool of herself. It wasn’t the first time she had the same thought, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last, but she would face the reality of these new feelings when she got back. Instead, she pulled Emma’s hand to her lips and kissed her gently on the knuckles. “Thanks.”

The flight to Indiana was long, but the drive from the airport to her hometown stuck in a car with nothing but her mother’s questions and radio silence to keep her company felt even longer. Alyssa deflected most of her interrogation by saying she was tired and wanted to sleep, but that wouldn’t save her come tomorrow. Still, she closed her eyes and let herself drift off in uncomfortable silence.

“How’s this semester going, sweetie?”

Alyssa sat across the table from her mother, picking at the potroast she had made for dinner. After a long shower and a change of clothes Alyssa felt much better, but she still missed Emma. It’s not like she could tell her mother that, though.

Alyssa finished chewing her food and swallowed, knowing she would never hear the end of it if she so much as opened her mouth while she was eating.

“It’s good. I really like my classes.”

“What are you taking again?”

“Um, I’m taking history, statistics, human behavior, and social psychology.”

Alyssa watched as her mother paused and looked at her curiously. “Didn’t you take a psychology class last semester?”

Alyssa paled. “Yes.”

“That seems like a lot of psychology requirements for a pre-law student.”

“Um,” Alyssa stuttered, trying to dig herself out of this hole, “well, understanding psychology is important for forming well rounded arguments.” She wasn’t even sure if that made sense, but it would have to do. She was going to have to ease her mother into it before she told her that she changed her major.

“I suppose you’re right,” her mother said. Alyssa breathed a sigh of relief.

“And the psych classes are my favorite,” Alyssa said. She smiled thinking about her classes and hoped that maybe her mother would be able to tell how much she enjoyed them. “They’re really interesting and I’m learning a lot.”

“That’s lovely, dear. Whatever will give you a leg up when applying to law school.”

Alyssa’s face fell. “Right.” How was she going to get through this weekend when she had to constantly tiptoe around the truth? She shoved a few more bites of food into her mouth. There was some food left on her plate but she had already eaten plenty. “May I be excused?”

Alyssa’s mother frowned. “But you just got home,” she said. “I want to spend time with my daughter.”

“I’m just… really wiped from the flight,” Alyssa said, forcing a yawn. “I promise I’ll be more awake after a good night’s sleep.”

“Okay,” her mother sighed. “Goodnight, Alyssa. I love you.”

“Love you, mom.”

The rest of the weekend wasn’t much better than that first dinner. She spent almost every waking moment with her mother and hardly had any time to text Emma, let alone call her. It was torture, walking on eggshells around her mom, making sure she didn’t slip up and say the wrong thing, not being able to talk to the one person who made her happier than she had ever been before. She would send an occasional text to Emma when her mother was preoccupied but it wasn’t nearly enough.

Saturday night, Alyssa put on her Sunday best for the Easter Vigil service that her mother insisted on attending. It would leave Easter Sunday open to spend time with family, and so Alyssa wouldn’t have any problems catching her flight later that night. Everything was fine until after church.

Alyssa’s mother was distracted, chatting amiably with other members of their church and fellow PTA moms. Alyssa snuck her phone out of her purse and texted Emma.

_ I miss you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow night _

She was going to put her phone away and rejoin her mother, but her phone buzzed with a new message almost immediately. It was a selfie of Emma, but most of her face was covered because she was snuggling with Mr. Panda.

_ Miss you more _

Alyssa failed to suppress the grin on her lips as she sent back a purple heart emoji and put her phone away, only to look up and find her mother looking at her with her arms crossed.

“Alyssa, who have you been texting all weekend?”

Alyssa froze. “Um, no one,” she said. “Just my roommate.”

“Your  _ roommate?” _

_ Shit,  _ Alyssa thought. Her mother did not like her roommate. “I just left one of my textbooks,” Alyssa said, grasping at straws. “She thought I might need it. She was just being thoughtful.”

Alyssa hoped that the subject would drop, but unfortunately her mother wouldn’t let that happen. “I hope she hasn’t been too much trouble this year,” she said.

“No, mom, she— she’s great.”

“Alyssa, sweetie, I know this year has probably been hard, but it’s almost over. You don’t have to put up with that girl much longer.”

Alyssa shook her head, taking a step back. She knew she should just drop the subject and move on but the words kept spilling out of her mouth, like she had an inherent need to defend Emma. “No, I’m not putting up with her. She’s nice! I like spending time with her.”

Her mother’s face darkened. “Alyssa, what are you saying?”

Alyssa trailed off, fumbling with her words. “I’m just— I don’t—“ She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before continuing. “You can’t tell me who to hang out with, mom. She’s a good person and you would know that if you took two seconds to get to know her when you met her.”

“I don’t have to get to know her to know that she’s a bad influence on you!” her mother scoffed. “What are you doing? Talking back, outside church of all places?”

Alyssa glanced around, embarrassed. There were a few curious eyes drawn to their argument but she wouldn’t go so far as to saying they were causing a scene yet. “She’s not a bad influence. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Alyssa’s eyes went wide when she realized what she had just said. She glanced to her mom and saw the confusion in her eyes. Or was it denial?

“You can’t possibly mean—you don’t think that—“

Maybe it was seeing her mother flustered for the first time in her life, but it gave Alyssa the confidence she needed to say what she really wanted to. “Mom, you can hate her all you want, but that won’t make things any different. I have a lot more in common with her than you think.”

Realization crossed her mother’s face, and she immediately went into defensive mode. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “No, Alyssa, you’re just confused, you’re not—“

“I’m not confused, mother.” She took a deep breath and looked her mom in the eyes as she said, “I’m a lesbian.”

Alyssa felt a huge weight lifted from her chest when she finally uttered those words, but at the same time, when she saw the dark look on her mother’s face, it felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over her head. She didn’t say anything and that was almost worse. The world felt so quiet. Even the chatter from parishioners seemed to have died down, but Alyssa was too terrified to look away from her mother and see exactly how many people were watching them.

Alyssa looked down at her feet and nervously tucked a curl behind her ear. “Mom, I—“

“Alyssa, that’s  _ enough,” _ her mother said harshly. “We will talk about this at home. I— I don’t know what sort of delusions or ideas this girl has put in your head—“

“Mom, this isn’t—“

“But whatever you think you’re thinking right now can’t be—“

“If you’d just listen to me—“

“This isn’t how I raised you and—“

“Mom, I love her!” Alyssa shouted.

There was an audible gasp and Alyssa looked around. A crowd of eavesdroppers had formed. Well, this was sure to be the hot church gossip for at least a month. Alyssa was thoroughly mortified, but at least she didn’t have to stick around for more than a day.

After a moment, the words she had said sunk in. It was the first time she had said them out loud, but it was true. She loved Emma.

Her mother stood, gaping, speechless, staring at her like she was a stranger. Alyssa couldn’t take it anymore. She turned around and took off running, holding back her tears until she was clear of the church.

Alyssa had no idea where her feet were taking her until she found herself standing in front of Kaylee’s house. Not sure of what else to do, she walked up to the door and knocked.

It was late, a little past midnight, so Alyssa wasn’t sure if anyone would even be awake. But only a moment later, the door opened and Alyssa found herself face to face with Kaylee’s mother. Alyssa sniffled and wiped her eyes, realizing that she must look like a complete mess.

“Hi, Mrs. Klein,” she mumbled.

Mrs. Klein smiled sympathetically and then called over her shoulder, “Kaylee! Your friend is here.”

Footsteps sounded down the hall. “Shelby wasn’t coming over tonight?” Kaylee said, and then she walked up to the door and saw Alyssa. “Oh.” She grabbed Alyssa by the arms and dragged her inside.

Alyssa blindly followed her until they were in Kaylee’s room. The door closed behind them and Alyssa sat down on Kaylee’s bed.

“What happened?”

Alyssa stared into space for a moment, dazed, still processing what had just happened. “I think I came out to my mom.”

Kaylee gasped. “You did  _ what?!” _

“I didn’t mean to,” Alyssa sighed. She buried her face in her hands. “She was just saying so many things and pissing me off and it just sort of came out.” Kaylee snorted at the unintentional wordplay, but Alyssa glared at her. “Not now.”

“Sorry,” she said, her face growing serious again. “What did she say?”

Alyssa just shrugged. “At first she was trying to argue or… I don’t know, change my mind? And then it was just nothing.” She sighed. “I’m not sure which was worse.”

Kaylee frowned and wrapped her arms around Alyssa in a hug. “You can stay here tonight, ok?”

Alyssa leaned into her friend’s embrace. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to stay up all night and watch movies and eat junk food?” she asked. “I can even call Shelby and ask her to come over. Just like old times.”

Alyssa chuckled softly. “As much as I appreciate that, I think I’m just tired.”

Kaylee nodded in understanding. She walked across the room to her dresser and retrieved pajama pants and a t-shirt. She dropped them on Alyssa’s lap. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Alyssa muttered. “I’m gonna… call Emma, if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” Kaylee said. “I’ll give you the room.”

Alyssa stripped down and put on the pajamas that Kaylee lent her, then crawled onto the bed and dialed Emma’s number. It was a few hours earlier in California so she would still be awake, hopefully.

Emma’s voice was bright and chipper as she answered the phone. “Alyssa!” She sounded surprised to be hearing from her, probably because Alyssa hadn’t gotten the chance to call this weekend. “Hey, hi. How are you?”

Just the sound of her voice was everything Alyssa needed to hear, but suddenly she couldn’t hold herself together anymore. A sob escaped her lips, and once she started crying, the tears kept coming.

“Alyssa?” Emma asked, suddenly worried. “Baby, are you okay?”

Somehow, through the tears, Alyssa managed to explain what had happened. And then she was too exhausted to talk anymore. She laid down on Kaylee’s bed, curled up on her side, and held the phone to her ear as Emma just talked to her. Eventually, the tears faded and Alyssa dozed off to the soothing voice of the girl she loved.

Alyssa slept way later than she meant to the next morning. The sun was high in the mid morning sky as she stretched out. Kaylee wasn’t there, but the other side of the bed looked slept in. Good, Alyssa didn’t want to have kicked Kaylee out of her own bed. She fumbled around searching for her phone, only to find it under the pillow, dead. She groaned and as she searched Kaylee’s room for a charger, there was a knock at the door.

Kaylee opened the door before Alyssa could say anything. “Oh, good,” Kaylee said, “you’re awake.”

Alyssa nodded. “Do you have a phone charger?”

“Yeah,” Kaylee nodded. “But, um, your mother is at the door.”

Alyssa’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I can send her away if you want,” Kaylee offered.

Alyssa thought for a moment and pursed her lips. “No,” she said. “No, it’s okay. I’ll talk to her.”

Kaylee took the phone from her hands. “I’ll plug this in for you.”

Alyssa made her way downstairs slowly, blood running cold with dread at the anticipation of seeing her mother again after their argument last night. What else could she possibly have to say?

She opened the door and found her mother standing there. Alyssa’s suitcase was on the ground next to her, fully packed. Her mom looked tired, like she hadn’t slept at all last night. She looked at Alyssa and cleared her throat. “I brought your things,” she said, pushing the suitcase forward. “I—I don’t want you to miss your flight or forget anything.”

Alyssa was quiet as she grabbed the handle of her suitcase. “Thanks,” she muttered.

They stood in silence for a moment. Alyssa was waiting for her mom to say something, anything. But if this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, it wasn’t worth her time. She turned around to head back inside, but her mom stopped her with a quick, “Wait.”

Alyssa looked at her expectantly. “What?”

“I hate that you feel like you have to keep things from me,” she said. “And I hate that it’s my fault.” Alyssa breathed out a laugh in agreement, but didn’t say anything. “I know I haven’t made things easy on you, and I’m sorry.”

That wasn’t at all what Alyssa was expecting. She wasn’t sure if she had ever heard her mother apologize for anything before. “Um, thank you for saying that.”

Her mother hesitated before her next words. “How long?” she asked.

She didn’t have to specify. Alyssa knew what she was asking. She shrugged a little. “I’ve known since I was fourteen.”

She gasped. “Five years?” Alyssa nodded, and there was a sad frown on her mother’s face. “I’m not saying I understand,” she said, eyes cast toward the ground. “But I don’t want to be the person who keeps you from being happy. I want to try, if you’ll let me.”

Alyssa’s heart hammered in her chest as she gaped at her. “I— I don’t know what to say.”

Her mother shook her head. “You don’t have to say anything right now. I was up all night thinking, and I didn’t want to leave things the way we did last night.”

Alyssa nodded. “Okay,” she said softly. “Thank you.”

Her mother exhaled, her shoulders relaxing a little bit. “I’ll go now,” she said. “I think we both might need a little time.” She began to back away from the door. “I love you, Alyssa. I hope you know that.”

Alyssa just nodded, her eyes filling with tears as her mom walked away. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t everything she had hoped for. But it wasn’t the end of the world either.

It was a start, and for now, that was enough.

 

* * *

 

Emma stood at the gate, impatiently tapping her foot as she checked her watch again. Alyssa’s flight should have landed by now, but she hadn’t even texted yet. She looked around at the other people waiting to pick someone up, people standing around, leaning against the wall, on their phones. Emma was bouncing in anticipation, clutching a sign with Alyssa’s name on it.

Maybe the sign was a little much.

She had some free time this weekend, bored without Alyssa and procrastinating on her homework, so she wrote out Alyssa’s name in messy block letters on a piece of paper and drew a heart next to it. No one else had a sign. Emma’s cheeks flushed and she ducked her head, a little self conscious.

But then a flood of people began spilling out from the escalator and Emma had no more time to dwell on whether or not making a sign was a good idea. She stood on her tiptoes, trying to see over heads, hoping to catch a glimpse of the face she had missed so much over the past few days.

It had only been a few short days and Emma missed her more than she thought possible.

A brief glimpse of curly brown hair set Emma’s heart aflutter before it disappeared into the crowd again. Emma tilted her head and moved a few feet to the side to get a better view. 

When Alyssa stepped off the escalator, Emma’s world felt whole again. She smiled as she watched Alyssa look around, and then their eyes met and Alyssa’s face lit up. She ran towards Emma as fast as she could towing her luggage behind her. Once she was a few feet away, she let go of the handle and threw her arms around Emma, burying her face in her neck.

“Hey,” Emma muttered. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much,” Alyssa whispered into her neck. “It’s good to be home.”

Emma’s heart soared at Alyssa’s words.  _ Home.  _ She breathed in the smell of Alyssa’s shampoo and held on tight until she lost track how long she held Alyssa in her arms.

After a moment, they stepped back, but before they could get too far apart, Alyssa grabbed her hands and held on tight. Emma looked at her and like the first day they met, she felt her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Even after a four hour flight, Alyssa was still the most beautiful girl Emma had ever seen.

Alyssa’s eyes drifted down to their hands and to the piece of paper that Emma still clutched tightly. “You made me a sign?”

Emma nodded, cheeks flushing. “Is it too much? I had the time and I wasn’t sure how easy it would be to find you here and—“

Alyssa silenced Emma’s rambling with a quick kiss to her lips. “It’s perfect.”

Emma’s blush only darkened, and her small, nervous smile grew into a dopey grin. “Come on,” Emma said. She had one hand keep a firm grip on Alyssa’s, not wanting to let go. Her other hand reached out for the handle of Alyssa’s suitcase and began to tug it as she started to lead them out to the parking lot. “Let’s go home.”

“Wait,” Alyssa tugged Emma back to where she stood before. She stared up at her with nervous eyes and bit her lip. Emma knew it had been an emotionally taxing weekend for Alyssa and she wanted to be there for her, whatever she needed.

Emma brought a hand up to tuck a curl of hair behind Alyssa’s ear. She lingered there, her knuckles brushing against her cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Alyssa shook her head and a soft laugh escaped her lips. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said. “I just… I love you.”

Emma felt the breath knocked from her lungs. “Wh— you— what?” she stuttered.

“I love you, Emma Nolan,” Alyssa said again, with more confidence this time around. “I’ve been wanting to say it for a while and I just didn’t want to wait anymore.”

A moment passed and all Emma could do was stare in shock at Alyssa. She wanted to speak but her mouth couldn’t seem to find the words she so desperately wanted to say. The look of joyous relief on Alyssa’s face quickly fell into a nervous frown, and Emma knew she had to do something instead of gaping like an idiot for much longer.

Emma couldn’t help herself as she grabbed Alyssa’s cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss, hoping to convey with her actions the words that escaped her at the moment. She cupped Alyssa’s cheeks and brushed her thumbs against her smooth skin as their lips pressed together. She kissed her in the middle of the airport, not caring who saw them. Emma would shout it out from the rooftops if she could.

She was in love with Alyssa Greene.

Emma quickly pulled her lips away, still leaning her forehead against Alyssa’s. She was out of breath from the kiss, but panted against her lips as the words finally came to her. “I love you so much.”

“Yeah?” Alyssa breathed.

Emma nodded. “Yeah.” She brushed her lips lightly against Alyssa’s again. Alyssa was the one who leaned in and captured her for a much firmer kiss. She felt Alyssa’s tongue tentatively press forward and her lips fell open. She sighed into Alyssa’s mouth as they kissed, and a warm tingling overwhelmed all her senses.

Eventually, Emma slowed down and pulled away. Her eyes fluttered open and Alyssa looked up at her breathless, pupils dark, lips kissed pink. Emma pressed one more chaste kiss to them, and then used all her self restraint to step back.

“We should get home.”

Alyssa nodded and reached out for Emma’s hand. She intertwined their fingers, leaned into her side, and nodded forward. “Take me home, Emma.”

 

* * *

 

They were back at the same cafe that Alyssa had taken Emma to on their first date. Alyssa watched Emma across the table with a soft smile on her face as she ate the last few bites of the apple pie they shared. It was open mic night, and they had already cycled through a few different performers.

Emma seemed nervous about something; her leg was shaking, and her eyes kept darting around the room. Alyssa reached across the table and to grab her hand, and suddenly Emma seemed to relax.

“What’s up?” Alyssa asked.

Emma shrugged. “I’m uh— I’m just waiting for my professor to post a grade tonight. It was a big assignment.”

“Well, I’m sure you did great.”

Applause rang out through the cafe as the current performer finished up, and Emma immediately stood up. “I have to go to the bathroom!”

Alyssa looked at her curiously, but nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Have fun.”

Emma smiled nervously. “I’ll— um, I’ll be right back.” She started to walk away, but then turned around and leaned down to press a quick kiss to Alyssa’s lips. “I love you.” Then she backed away toward the restrooms.

Alyssa blushed and she had a giddy grin on her face as she pulled her phone out of her purse to check the time. There was a new text message from her mother.

_ I hope you have a good time with Emma tonight. _

Alyssa’s smile turned soft. She had offhandedly mentioned their date the last time she spoke with her mother on the phone. It was taking time, but she was slowly coming around. At the very least, she was trying. Alyssa was about to send her a quick reply, when she heard a familiar voice echoing in the speakers.

“Uh, hi.” Alyssa turned her head up to see Emma sitting onstage with her guitar. She gasped in surprise. “My name’s Emma Nolan, and I wrote this song for my girlfriend.” She met Alyssa’s eyes in the crowd and gave her a timid smile.

Emma began to play and tears almost immediately sprang to Alyssa’s eyes as she watched and listened, entranced. The cafe was crowded, but everyone else melted away until Emma was performing just for her. Their eyes met again and Alyssa mouthed,  _ I love you.  _ Emma blushed and turned her eyes back down to her guitar.

As she continued to play, Alyssa watched intently, falling more in love every second. She wondered how she got so damn lucky to love someone as incredible as Emma Nolan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I enjoyed revisiting this universe a lot, so please leave a comment/kudos and let me know what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated :) Follow me on tumblr for more gay content @elliesgaymachete


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